What is your Acceptance Speech part 2

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Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.

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This is part two of what is your Acceptance Speech, as Tina and I break down Mary J Blige's acceptance speech from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony of 2024.

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Thank you so much for listening.

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And here is part two.

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Well, what if we went into all conversations with compassion and forgiveness before the conversation even starts, like we go in saying we are going to completely be ears open and enter with an enter, with a forgiving heart?

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With my kids, I've learned to listen and ask questions before I jump to a conclusion, because sometimes we only have a piece of the puzzle and we need to really hear all sides in here when the where the person was at that particular time in their life to be able to take it all in before we jump to a resolve.

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It is a beautiful thing to enter with love and knowing all the information.

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Yeah, it really is as the saying goes, and my husband often tells our kids we were given one mouth and two ears, so we need to listen twice as much as we speak, and I think that's the key word, though, is listen.

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I think so many times we go into a conversation wanting to be heard or wanting our voice or our side to be heard, but oftentimes it's people just need some ears to listen.

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It's not your opinion, they need they just.

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Sometimes, just talking like we did off air before we started recording today, it was about the schedule of our days today.

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Sometimes you just got to get it out so that your brain can sort it out and figure it out.

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It's not that you need anyone to tell you how to do it, it's that you just need to process it out loud.

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It's that you just need to process it out loud.

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So I do think and I feel like being a good listener really is a gift and not everybody has that gift.

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We have a young man in our area that gosh, I just want to adopt him.

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I don't know if you've heard of the guy from McDonald's in our area that he was even in the parade this summer.

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I did not.

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He is Well.

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He sings to you when you go through the drive through.

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Oh no, he's got an absolute beautiful voice.

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He's probably not even 20.

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And he could be on American Idol and do really well and he'll sing to you while he's giving you your food.

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And the other day I ordered and I went through and they sent me to the other window because it was taking just a couple minutes longer and he hands me.

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All I got was ice.

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And he gave me my order and he's like I am so sorry for your weight.

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And I went oh, it wasn't, it wasn't even really a weight.

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And he said what's your name?

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And I said Ann and he said, oh, my grandma's name was blah, blah, blah.

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And Ann was in the name and and he showed me his tattoo with the word grandma on his forearm and he started talking to me, just, you know, really personable, and I left feeling so special.

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I'm like, oh, my gosh, that's all it takes.

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It was so simple, and I was just this old lady at McDonald's and he took time.

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He took time.

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Do you just describe yourself as an old lady?

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I'm sorry I may have missed the point there, but that did stand out to me.

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No, I got the point too.

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I absolutely love that.

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So I think something that my family would say about me is that everyone is my friend.

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I meet anyone and talk to anyone.

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Case in point the grocery store.

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Unexpectedly, sunday night at a grocery store in a community that I don't ever shop in, just looking for a few things.

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$180 later I think we found a few things.

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Yeah, everything's expensive, though you could do that for just a couple items nowadays.

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It's expensive though.

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You could do that for just a couple items nowadays.

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Yes, so expensive.

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And I had stopped and I was just kind of saying to myself oh my gosh, the price of toilet paper, gosh.

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I remember when we used to TP houses for fun when I was young I said now I would never dream of it, it's too expensive, right right.

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And the lady had heard me and we got to talking about.

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She's like maybe you need to get a membership to this place because you do have a, you know, a family of five and I think it would be helpful.

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And we just started talking and it just transitioned into just a sweet little talk bakery every week on a day when my mom was watching my boys while I went into work and I would come home and I would bring food and treats and I befriended an older woman and a younger mom that was at this bakery and we really had such a special friendship.

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I mean, I remember coming in there and having chats just about, you know briefly, just about our lives.

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And how'd your doctor appointment go?

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And, oh my gosh, my dog is sick, and being invited into the back room to just get a hug from both of them and cry about my sick dog.

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And I'll tell you.

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It's those simple little things, just starting the conversation.

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You know, maybe going out of your comfort zone, or maybe it is a comfort zone for you to start the conversation, but it's just taking that first step to show that you care, that you're kind, and you never know what sort of bond will form after that.

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Those little things make somebody feel special and it might just be what they needed in that moment.

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Now Mary J Blige continued in her speech.

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It was actually quite a long speech, absolutely beautiful, but she said share your wisdom and love and respect with all who cross your path.

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Now, that is exactly what that young man did, but I love that she says with all who cross your path.

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For one thing, you know you will meet all kinds of people on the way up and on the way down in life, and everyone along the way can help or can add to your life experiences.

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No one is better, no one is less.

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We're all equal and I used to even have that sign hung up.

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We can all help each other and not try to burn, you know that, many bridges along the way, because you just never know.

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I mean sometimes you really do need to just cut people off, and that's a little different.

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But I mean look at, really do need to just cut people off, and that's a little different.

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But I mean look at us.

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You know we were 16 years ago.

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We were journalists together working and we instantly hit it off and we just made each other feel really good and helped each other through I would consider kind of a difficult time.

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Helped each other through I would consider kind of a difficult time, but we remembered.

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You know, we were in and out of each other's lives throughout the years, but we remembered how we made each other feel and when the opportunity came up for us to do this together, you know it was like well, absolutely so, you just never know.

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No, you just never know.

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No, you just never know.

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But the truth is, ann is the brain in the brawn, uh, behind this podcast and I truly think she could do it without me and I've told her that many, many, many times.

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But she swears I'm important.

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But I, I seriously think it's not.

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My gosh, you are so important.

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I, I mean that, I really mean that, but but you're absolutely right there.

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You know, there I was part of a book launch for Bob Goff years ago for his book Everybody Always, and that's the same premise that Mary J Blige talked about, that he talked about in his book.

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It's like we can love everybody always, but that might look different and might be because you have to, it might just be freely, it might be from a distance, it might be up close, but we really can love everybody always.

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And you know, I have some hard situations in my life with family or with former friends and things like that, and no hard feelings truly.

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Or with former friends and things like that, and no hard feelings truly.

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Wish you all well, but I will have to love you safely, from a distance, and some a greater distance than others, but at the end of the day.

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I don't wish any harm on anybody and it goes back to what we said in the very beginning.

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Sometimes you want to treat people how they treat you, but it is not in my character and I believe that it's not in the majority of people's character to be nasty.

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Well, it's kind of like that, in a probably more nasty way, the Motley Crue song how does it go?

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Don't go away, mad, just go away.

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Ah, sometimes that's really smart Just go away.

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Either you need to disappear or they need to disappear.

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But at the end of the day, if you can only control you, maybe you need to just walk away, yeah.

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Well, another thing that she said was offer forgiveness, because we are all works in progress and that's I mean we are.

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Not one of us is perfect.

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So we need to enter in with more kindness and understanding, because we honestly never know what the other person is going through.

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I mean, they could, you just really don't know.

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I know one time you asked me about a response I had, and it was all about a misunderstanding and me not reading something fully, and so you know you could have been like, well, screw Ann, she's not listening to me.

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But you said what you thought and I was able to tell you what happened and apologize, and we were able to work through it and get to the other side.

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But if you would have jumped to conclusions and just thought she doesn't care about me and how I feel, and I was like, well, I can't believe she's even questioning me, you know that kind of thing.

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We would have just gotten upset with each other more, and you know.

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But we don't handle things that way and two years later, almost you know we've been doing this, but it's a coming together and entering in with kindness, listening, without defensiveness.

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Oh yeah, that's so key.

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It's hard to be consistently surrounded by defensive people or people who don't want to grow and learn, things like that.

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You are not one of those people and I'm glad that you brought that up because well, first of all, I've forgotten about it, to be honest with you, because I don't think about that, and, second, because I knew your heart.

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I knew there must have been a disconnect somewhere, but at the same time, it was nice to have an apology.

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But it was also nice to just be adults about it and be able to.

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You know, like I said, I feel like so often, there's no margin for error, but there absolutely has to be, because none of us are perfect.

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So, listen, take the time to listen.

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Yeah, because we really don't know what's going on with the other person, why the disconnect happened, you know.

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And so by just sitting down and talking about it and not assuming well, she's against me and she's against me I mean, that's oftentimes not even the case with people, but things can jump to really huge problems very quickly by not really listening and not going in defensively.

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Absolutely, and in some instances I'd say probably more rare that if how does that saying go?

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It needs to be out of your mind, if it's out of your control.

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So you know, maybe there is a person that you just can't work things out with in this season.

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Maybe you don't trust them, Maybe they betrayed you, Maybe they've wronged you, Maybe you just don't feel comfortable around them.

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You know, just move on, Absolutely Just move on.

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So not everything is deserving of your time I guess is the takeaway there but if it is deserving of your time, then you know, see if you can work through it.

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You know, one of my favorite things that she said was you don't have to wait until you're perfect to feel worthy.

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You are worthy.

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God approved me at my worst and he still approves of me.

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She said times in my life not worthy of God's love, of anybody's love.

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So I very much appreciated those words and being worthy already.

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I think that's powerful and honestly I feel like not that I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong, but in the church there are often times where we are reminded that we're not worthy of God's love.

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But gets to us anyway, and so see, for me, I know that that's part of where my disconnect is.

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Okay, so you're telling me that, but I'm supposed to you know, believe that I am, but there's that disconnect for me, and so I think it's important to keep telling ourselves what Mary J Blige said that we already are worthy.

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I mean I can remember sitting in an alcohol treatment center.

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You want to talk about not feeling worthy.

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I want to tell you what, though I have sat in many churches, I preached, I have been, you know, one of the chaplains in the jail.

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I felt more accepted in the jail setting and in the alcohol treatment centers or, you know, aa rooms than I ever have in a church.

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So there is that, and you know, I mean we are all, we've all done things.

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So for us to look at somebody else as less than or not worthy when God looks at us as worthy, when we're not perfect.

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So I mean that's what's such a beautiful thing.

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I mean we deserve to be treated with love because we are worthy of it and we don't have to love because we are worthy of it and we don't have to wait until we are perfect.

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I have felt in my life that I've had to work on things in order to be treated with respect, and it is a journey, as we say all the time here on Real Talk, and we don't have to be perfect, and the learning is the lessons along the way.

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As we said in our recent podcast, when we were going to show the, I said I don't want to even show the math problems, but then realized you know, in math and life the learning is in the process of the problem.

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So we have to go through it.

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And, piggybacking off of that, I read a quote recently that said you deserve good things even after you mess up.

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Read that again if you have to.

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Ooh, I get that.

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It's important to know that.

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And there was a contestant on one of those singing shows I think America's Got Talent.

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Her name was Nightbird.

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She has since passed away from cancer that she had.

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She was very, very young, in her 20s, I believe.

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And one thing she said on the show when I don't watch the show, hardly ever, but I happened to catch and I don't believe it's a coincidence I happened to catch that particular episode and she said you can't wait for life to not be hard, to be happy.

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I remember that episode, I remember her.

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I was like I had to grab my phone and write that down, and I do think about that from time to time.

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What a great thing for someone who's in such a dark place to be able to say.

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And so I feel like that just goes with what we're saying.

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You know, People deserve second chances in a lot of instances.

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Okay, and feeling worthy and just treating people with kindness and respect.

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We don't have to be perfect, because we're never going to be to love ourselves.

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I know I've said this before, but my youngest son, who's four, just said this just a day or two ago was naming all the people he loved and at the end he said and I love myself, and gosh, I think that's just so important.

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Well, God approved of us me at my worst and so I mean it's getting that to be able to love ourselves and be able to look at ourselves with love and be able to say you know well, he even loved me at my worst, which I think is really huge.

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And also what we talked about in a recent podcast that we have to be right where we are and it's okay to be right where we are, that it is the perfect place to begin, no matter where it is, god is going to meet us right there and he's going to love us right there and I love that.

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He still loves us when we are at our worst, because he loves us no matter where we are.

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It is good to know that I'm still working on believing that fully, but I think that's all part of it.

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I'm getting ready to lead a gratitude group.

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I've done it three years or four years in a row and then I took the last, I think two years off, just everything going on with my mom, and I was feeling it.

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I was definitely feeling it on my heart and on my mind to start it again.

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And I think that when we start focusing on gratitude, happiness follows and it's almost like mantras, things that you need to tell yourself so I am loved because I am, even if I'm not perfect, or I'm loved even at my worst, and things like that.

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And I think that that's just my thought is maybe that's how we'll start to actually believe it.

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I mean, that is so important and it's how we talk to ourselves really.

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I love, too, that she dedicated her work to help heal, uplift and touch the lives of others.

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Is that Mary J Blige who said that?

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Yes?

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Okay.

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I mean, isn't that why we're here?

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Isn't that our purpose?

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Isn't that the purpose of this podcast?

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And you know that is so.

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That's the reason why I do.

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Everything that I want to do in life is to reach people, help people, and I think that when we're doing our acceptance speeches or we're at the end of our life, you know that's what we want to be remembered for.

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Yeah, I think that it is part of a big part of why we're here is to help others, and those gifts can come in different ways.

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It doesn't just mean financially.

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There are so many ways my one neighbor helps people by giving.

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Every year she produces Christmas gifts for 120 kids in need 120, wraps them all herself, her whole entire living room and kitchen and spare room maybe not the whole kitchen, but for sure the living room and spare room are filled to the brim with gifts.

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And she does it through a nonprofit organization that honors her late husband, and I think it's just absolutely beautiful.

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There are so many ways that you can impact the world.

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You could be a blood donor.

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I have a friend who has donated oh my gosh, I don't even know I'm sorry, I'm not a consistent blood donor, but who's donated every single time that he's been able to gallon that he's donated.

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If my memory maybe that's too high, I don't know Whatever the one of the highest that you can be at for his age he is.

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I mean, that's something that just shows kindness.

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You know just there's so many ways, is what I'm getting at that we can just be good to each other.

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When I used to work at the jail there were so many women that would turn their lists of their kids in at Christmas time that did not have they were not going to have a Christmas.

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So it was really fun and that's the other thing of it.

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You always get more out of it than when you're giving too.

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And we would go to Toys for Tots, fill up our cars and we knew the names and the ages and what they would kind of sort of in the age range of what they would like, and we just would go to all these women's houses and drop off all these toys for these kids and it was one of the funnest.

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Even my older two kids would help deliver these and go in and give them to the kids and it was just the best thing.

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It was just you get so much more out of it when you are the one giving, so I love to do that kind of stuff.

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I agree One of the other things that she said that she would like to be remembered as someone who wasn't afraid to give her life through her music to help heal, uplift and touch the lives of others.

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She said that she was grateful for wisdom, knowledge, understanding and a self awareness, compassion and patience, and she laughed and said you know, she was still working on that one.

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But I mean, those are so many great attributes that I think that we all need to work for and we are thankful for.

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This takes me back all the way to what it means to be a person of grace at the very beginning of what we were talking about, to act with kindness and forgiveness and love.

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And you know I love American Idol and the Voice and Dancing with the Stars and all those other shows like that.

00:22:25.711 --> 00:22:28.275
I'm a junkie of those as well.

00:22:28.275 --> 00:22:37.067
But one of my favorite things is when they give those dedications and they really talk about all the people that helped get them along the way.

00:22:37.067 --> 00:22:58.827
You know, some of them have been in foster care or their grandparents or teachers and they do all these shout outs and it's just a really special time for them to be able to make sure that they brought everybody along with them as they were up there on that stage, you know, because we don't do this by ourselves in life.

00:23:00.192 --> 00:23:00.712
No, you're right.

00:23:00.712 --> 00:23:04.029
I think we've all heard it takes a village to raise a family.

00:23:04.029 --> 00:23:08.082
But I think you need a village to keep you going too.

00:23:08.082 --> 00:23:10.226
You need friends, you need community.

00:23:10.226 --> 00:23:13.593
You need all of those things, all of those people.

00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:17.871
Yeah, and this is key too, one of my favorite things.

00:23:17.871 --> 00:23:19.236
She said so much.

00:23:19.236 --> 00:23:21.161
I mean I just wrote all of it down.

00:23:21.161 --> 00:23:32.568
One of the other things that she said was that she was so grateful that she is loved and that she is capable of loving, she's capable of giving love.

00:23:32.568 --> 00:23:35.949
I mean, I just wrote this down.

00:23:35.949 --> 00:23:37.645
I started writing.

00:23:37.645 --> 00:23:48.554
I don't know if it's ever going to be a book or what it's going to be, but I started writing this thing about how I'm finally able to give love.

00:23:48.554 --> 00:23:53.036
I thought that that was just so cool that she said that.

00:23:54.660 --> 00:24:20.662
I think it's neat too and it makes me think of my mom During one of my counseling sessions it was the first one of my paid counselor about two years ago and I remember sitting down the first session and she asked a bunch of questions about my family history and was asking about my mom, and I think my mom would be okay with me sharing this story, so that's why I'm going to do it.

00:24:20.662 --> 00:24:25.730
One of the questions she asked is you know what was her life like growing up?

00:24:25.730 --> 00:24:28.601
And it wasn't easy.

00:24:28.601 --> 00:24:40.055
I will skip through all of the details, but lots of forms of abuse and so, from you know people who should have been safe.

00:24:40.335 --> 00:25:02.021
And I remember my mom saying and I don't know this to be true or not true, you know, I have no reason to not believe my mom, but she never felt like she got love in the way that she needed it from her mom and dad, so my grandparents, and so I remember her saying that she just never really felt loved.

00:25:02.083 --> 00:25:04.588
They didn't say I love you, things like that.

00:25:04.588 --> 00:25:09.909
You know, of course she was cared for, but there weren't like hugs and I love you and things like that.

00:25:09.909 --> 00:25:37.151
So the fact that she was so capable of loving me and you know our family so so well speaks volumes, and I remember my counter saying that too, like wow, the fact that she was able to do something that she never got is incredible, and that you saying that just made me think of of my sweet mama.

00:25:37.151 --> 00:25:42.723
And she's still I mean still to this day, even you know she's just turned 64.

00:25:42.723 --> 00:25:49.863
And you know this disease is just awful, this early Alzheimer's, but she's still.

00:25:49.863 --> 00:26:01.949
I still feel that love, she still lights up when she sees me, and so I am really grateful that that has stayed, that is intact, and she was always so, so good at it.

00:26:02.839 --> 00:26:10.176
So she obviously wanted to be the mom that she never got Right, and that's just a beautiful thing.

00:26:10.176 --> 00:26:11.526
My grandma's a bad person.

00:26:11.625 --> 00:26:12.250
You know what I mean.

00:26:12.250 --> 00:26:19.130
My grandmother's mother died when my grandma was very, very young, when your mom was really young.

00:26:19.130 --> 00:26:19.961
No, when my grandma was very, very young.

00:26:19.961 --> 00:26:20.227
So your mom was really young.

00:26:20.227 --> 00:26:22.824
No, when my grandmother was very young.

00:26:22.824 --> 00:26:25.890
Her mom, yes, very, very young.

00:26:25.890 --> 00:26:29.682
I think she was nine, oh, okay, so she didn't have.

00:26:29.682 --> 00:26:35.034
You know, she didn't have that motherly figure, growing up, got it, and she was a child.

00:26:35.034 --> 00:26:37.067
There were nine kids in the family.

00:26:37.067 --> 00:27:02.123
So you know, she didn't have my grandmother didn't have.

00:27:02.123 --> 00:27:03.445
All that's my, that's what I think.

00:27:03.445 --> 00:27:03.625
You know.

00:27:03.625 --> 00:27:04.909
She didn't get that because she didn't have a mom.

00:27:04.909 --> 00:27:06.172
So she didn't get that as a child, but it it was.

00:27:06.172 --> 00:27:10.123
Yeah, it's definitely amazing when someone is able to give that in a way that they never received.

00:27:10.865 --> 00:27:23.893
She ended it by talking about happiness and she said the kind of happiness when you know there will be trials, but you're going to smile anyway because you believe that you'll get through it.

00:27:23.893 --> 00:27:31.594
She said that she is building for expansion, building for longevity and building for legacy and history.

00:27:31.594 --> 00:27:36.592
And I just feel like saying amen to all of that.

00:27:36.592 --> 00:27:42.381
Amen to all of that.

00:27:42.381 --> 00:27:46.229
And at the end, you know, and it's just such a perfect acceptance speech and memorial to herself and how she wanted to be remembered.

00:27:46.229 --> 00:27:53.853
It was just so beautiful Grace, kindness, forgiveness, self-control, going into relationships with love and understanding.

00:27:53.853 --> 00:27:56.244
There was just so much in it.

00:27:56.244 --> 00:28:00.053
We can use a lot more of this.

00:28:01.401 --> 00:28:09.026
We absolutely can, and hopefully one of you even walks away going you're right, I need to give more of that.

00:28:09.026 --> 00:28:15.567
You know of one of those things, or all of those things are somewhere in between, or at least you know.

00:28:15.567 --> 00:28:25.132
You're thinking about it and I think that there's something to putting that positive energy out there and manifesting it and it coming to you or you giving it back.

00:28:25.132 --> 00:28:30.827
So, absolutely, I know I'll be working on these things too, because you can only get better.

00:28:31.559 --> 00:28:34.509
What would your acceptance speech be for our listeners?

00:28:34.509 --> 00:28:37.950
You know what would your acceptance speech be like.

00:28:40.500 --> 00:28:45.249
Yeah, that is a good thought and one of the things I want to be remembered.

00:28:45.249 --> 00:28:48.480
It's probably more of like a funeral speech I don't know.

00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:54.522
I guess an acceptance speech sounds a lot better, but I want to be remembered for the way I loved.

00:28:54.522 --> 00:28:57.769
That's a big deal to me.

00:28:57.769 --> 00:29:03.426
I preach a lot in the house and teach and try to model kindness and gratitude and love.

00:29:03.426 --> 00:29:10.244
Those are huge because I believe that the way we treat people and the things we say really truly matters.

00:29:10.926 --> 00:29:11.267
Right.

00:29:11.267 --> 00:29:14.433
Well, I think that that's hopefully.

00:29:14.433 --> 00:29:17.803
I mean an acceptance speech or a funeral.

00:29:17.803 --> 00:29:29.457
You know, however you want to look at it, you know when we're taking whatever it is, that last bow, or you know getting that award.

00:29:29.457 --> 00:29:30.240
It is.

00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:34.432
What it's all about is just, you want to be remembered for the good.

00:29:34.432 --> 00:29:41.145
Of course everybody wants to be, and that's what the grace and the kindness and things like that.

00:29:41.145 --> 00:29:52.146
When people stand around in a room afterward, whether it's an award or a funeral, and they're all talking about you, of course a lot of them are going to be saying nice things, but you want it to be real.

00:29:52.647 --> 00:30:00.571
You want it to be real, of course absolutely so let's go out into the world and just make it a more kind place.

00:30:00.571 --> 00:30:01.753
I think we can all do it.

00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:04.548
Thank you for listening and we will see you next time.