The Worst Thing you could do to Someone part 2

WEBVTT

00:00:09.010 --> 00:00:10.712
Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.

00:00:10.712 --> 00:00:13.275
I am Anne and Tina is here too.

00:00:13.275 --> 00:00:16.125
This is the worst thing you could do to someone.

00:00:16.125 --> 00:00:21.407
Part two, as we continue to look at sticks and stones can break our bones, but words can hurt our soul.

00:00:21.407 --> 00:00:24.201
We are so grateful for each and every one of you.

00:00:24.201 --> 00:00:32.371
You can reach us on Facebook at Real Talk with Tina and Ann and you can go catch all of our episodes or message us at realtalktinaanncom.

00:00:32.371 --> 00:00:36.750
You can catch our monthly newsletters and get special messages.

00:00:36.750 --> 00:00:38.244
Here is part two.

00:00:38.700 --> 00:00:51.115
I might be a little bit out in the weeds here on this next thing, but my husband and I are currently watching a show called Prison Break, and when we started watching it, we just assumed it's been like years since.

00:00:51.134 --> 00:00:57.021
Yeah, yes, oh my gosh, it's been like five seasons ago, yeah yeah, oh, I'm so glad you know what I'm talking about.

00:00:57.061 --> 00:01:06.453
Well, we're only in the first season, and when we started watching it, we assumed that each season you know, usually seasons only have like 10 episodes, maybe 12.

00:01:06.453 --> 00:01:08.143
This one has 22.

00:01:08.143 --> 00:01:22.771
And there's part of me going like we just watched episode 20 last night, and there's part of me like, oh, my gosh, I don't even know how the next four seasons are going to turn out, because we still have, you know, they still haven't made their prison break yet.

00:01:22.771 --> 00:01:43.829
Okay, they still haven't made their prison break yet, but the episode that really stands out to me in terms of what we're talking about in the show right now.

00:01:43.909 --> 00:01:50.290
But, yeah, on occasion his boss would say, hey, can you, can you get me some alcohol here or whatever?

00:01:50.290 --> 00:01:54.367
And so, yeah, boss, I got you, I got you, so he would somehow get it in there.

00:01:54.367 --> 00:02:05.373
Well, at some point he saw that some of the Marines were mistreating some people and so he spoke up about it.

00:02:05.373 --> 00:02:08.163
And so his boss said well, how far are you willing to take this?

00:02:08.163 --> 00:02:11.110
And he said, as far as I have to to get justice.

00:02:11.110 --> 00:02:14.884
That's how he ended up in prison, was standing up for the right thing.

00:02:14.884 --> 00:02:24.979
Oh, because they they busted him for um bringing in all of the illegal, if you will, will you know, like alcohol and stuff like that.

00:02:24.979 --> 00:02:36.187
Nothing like super major in my opinion, but he tried to do something right and got wronged in the process, and so sometimes things aren't always what they seem, you know.

00:02:36.187 --> 00:02:40.162
I think that's one of the themes that we're talking about today as well.

00:02:40.681 --> 00:03:02.038
One of the things that I've heard is how hard it is to feel beautiful when you feel so much shame or when someone is shaking their finger at you and blaming you and misrepresenting you or accusing you of something that you know you didn't even do.

00:03:03.520 --> 00:03:05.697
That's tough that you know you didn't even do.

00:03:08.260 --> 00:03:15.691
You know, one of the things I absolutely hate is being misrepresented by someone or accused of something that I didn't do.

00:03:16.693 --> 00:03:21.782
Me too, and that has been the story, you know, of summer, I mean, imagine.

00:03:21.782 --> 00:03:24.937
First of all, it's actually ridiculous One of the things I was accused of.

00:03:24.937 --> 00:03:26.212
First of all, it's actually ridiculous One of the things I was accused of.

00:03:26.212 --> 00:03:35.795
I wasn't even actually physically there for, so just accused of taking this picture that I didn't see, and I wasn't even there for I didn't even know it happened.

00:03:35.795 --> 00:03:38.082
It wasn't a wrong picture or anything.

00:03:38.082 --> 00:03:42.675
It just didn't have certain people's children in it, apparently.

00:03:42.675 --> 00:03:45.383
So just stupid things like that.

00:03:45.383 --> 00:03:49.925
How, one little thing, you know, how does one get their name attached to it?

00:03:49.925 --> 00:03:57.421
I don't understand sometimes the way that people think you know here's the truth Words hurt.

00:03:58.143 --> 00:03:58.582
They do.

00:03:58.582 --> 00:03:59.764
Actions hurt.

00:03:59.764 --> 00:04:02.384
It is hard to pick up the pieces.

00:04:02.384 --> 00:04:16.812
Sometimes there can be parts of us that are left on that ground or not able to ever be the same because something, someone did or said something.

00:04:16.812 --> 00:04:20.896
I mean, can we continue Absolutely?

00:04:20.896 --> 00:04:25.658
Can we be a better version of ourselves because of something that somebody else does?

00:04:25.658 --> 00:04:34.514
Yes, but the facts are the facts, and those words and actions can hurt us for a lifetime.

00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:47.122
You know, you've probably heard sayings such as words can hurt and heal, and you probably maybe you know, I did hear this in church we were given two ears and one tongue, you know.

00:04:47.122 --> 00:04:48.446
So two ears to listen.

00:04:48.446 --> 00:04:51.841
You're supposed to listen twice as more as you talk, right?

00:04:51.841 --> 00:05:15.305
But I do think we could definitely benefit from biting our tongue a little bit more and either choosing to be quiet, because that says too, or, you know, really taking some time and coming back later to choosing better words, or, you know, at the end of the day, we are people and we do make mistakes.

00:05:15.305 --> 00:05:21.103
But I do think it's so important that we think about what we're saying and doing.

00:05:21.103 --> 00:05:25.173
And, okay, you know, if you can't commit to something, that's, that's totally fine.

00:05:25.173 --> 00:05:34.211
Don't tell someone you're going to do this or that when you can't because you don't know how vitally important it might be for them and in the season that they're in, there's just there's just so.

00:05:34.211 --> 00:05:35.461
There's so many layers.

00:05:35.541 --> 00:05:45.629
I feel like to what we're talking about you know, I don't understand what's so wrong, what, why people just can't be kind, I don't't know either.

00:05:45.629 --> 00:05:49.281
I mean, if you go in, people must truly be miserable.

00:05:49.281 --> 00:05:58.887
If you go into relationships or you know whatever's happening in any situation, if you just handle it with kindness.

00:05:58.887 --> 00:06:01.394
Gossiping is not kind.

00:06:01.394 --> 00:06:03.500
Accusing is not kind.

00:06:03.500 --> 00:06:04.488
Spreading rumors is not kind.

00:06:04.488 --> 00:06:04.994
Manipulation is not kind.

00:06:04.994 --> 00:06:05.600
Spreading rumors is not kind.

00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:06.978
Manipulation is not kind.

00:06:06.978 --> 00:06:15.545
Trying to hurt people and tell other people untruths about somebody just to make them feel better about you, it's unkind.

00:06:16.709 --> 00:06:17.350
Absolutely.

00:06:17.350 --> 00:06:25.744
I don't know that thought process of why people do that because I'm not that way and you're not that way, of why people do that because I'm not that way and you're not that way.

00:06:25.744 --> 00:06:28.810
And that's why I think we can't understand why it happens, why people do it and why it's happened.

00:06:28.810 --> 00:06:43.170
You know to us and people that we love and that we're close to I know I don't have the answer to that and if somebody tells you something, if somebody tells you something that is so hurtful that they've gone through too.

00:06:43.411 --> 00:07:04.071
On the other swing of that, If you're on the receiving end of somebody telling you that they have been hurt, just listen, Just say well, you know, like the teacher who hurt my son and we went to her and we told her you hurt my son, she wouldn't apologize.

00:07:04.071 --> 00:07:19.064
She still just kept saying how wrong he was at seven years old and a little situation in the school and made such a big deal out of it that she took all of his money that he had earned in the classroom.

00:07:19.064 --> 00:07:31.930
And instead of just saying I'm sorry for that or I'm sorry that you feel that I hurt you, Do you know what that would have done for him?

00:07:31.930 --> 00:07:42.867
Just listen to the person, because you might not agree, you might still feel like you didn't do what they're saying, that you, you know that you did to hurt them.

00:07:42.867 --> 00:07:52.529
But listen, validate, give them the chance to have a voice to express how you, how they feel about what you did.

00:07:52.529 --> 00:07:58.346
I think that that is so important because, honestly, it's just being kind.

00:07:59.728 --> 00:08:03.274
Instead of I feel like instead of always.

00:08:03.274 --> 00:08:07.730
You always hear to learn to accept an apology you'll never get.

00:08:07.730 --> 00:08:09.968
Why don't we learn how to apologize?

00:08:09.968 --> 00:08:13.204
Why not?

00:08:13.204 --> 00:08:16.108
That that's the other side of the coin.

00:08:16.108 --> 00:08:27.682
So I have learned to accept an apology that I will never get and, at the same time, sometimes you really feel like you need an apology just to help you move on.

00:08:27.682 --> 00:08:28.202
You know?

00:08:28.843 --> 00:08:32.952
just like what you were saying I'll put another twist on this.

00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:34.801
My brother died.

00:08:34.801 --> 00:08:53.960
Yeah, I want an apology from him, not because he died, of course not because he died, of course, but he spent probably 40 years of our lives not in my life.

00:08:53.960 --> 00:09:01.123
I go to Chicago to find out more about him.

00:09:01.123 --> 00:09:02.445
I find out that he had this life away from us.

00:09:02.445 --> 00:09:03.005
That was absolutely amazing.

00:09:03.005 --> 00:09:03.988
It was amazing.

00:09:04.708 --> 00:09:15.062
He shared his life with people, but he could not open up his life to his family, and I was his baby sister and I did nothing.

00:09:15.062 --> 00:09:16.605
He's 20 years older than me.

00:09:16.605 --> 00:09:30.500
I didn't even have a chance to goof up, goof up, you know.

00:09:30.500 --> 00:09:37.260
And so when I found out that he left money to this person and he left this to this person and the people that were left behind in Chicago, that he would consider family more than his own family.

00:09:37.260 --> 00:09:46.210
They're in control of all these things and they're doing all these things in the name of him, and I'm just like I.

00:09:46.210 --> 00:09:50.254
He never even thought twice about us.

00:09:50.254 --> 00:09:53.057
That would hurt, yeah.

00:09:53.057 --> 00:10:06.831
And so sometimes you can't get apologies from people because they aren't even here, and I don't even know if he would have known that he was doing something wrong.

00:10:06.831 --> 00:10:12.711
Actually, somebody did tell me when we were in Chicago that he said.

00:10:12.711 --> 00:10:18.470
You know I used to be a jerk, but he's never admitted that to me.

00:10:20.620 --> 00:10:34.250
So maybe sometimes, I believe, we're sent people in our lives to help be the messenger of something we need to learn to know to heal, and maybe that's what that did for you or could do for you.

00:10:34.250 --> 00:10:39.394
I mean, you know, death is a, it is a period, it is not a semicolon.

00:10:39.394 --> 00:10:45.462
There is no I mean yes, heaven, but no physical here on earth.

00:10:45.543 --> 00:10:50.634
And so that is something so hard to to deal with.

00:10:50.634 --> 00:11:09.148
When you do have all these extra questions surrounding the the wise, you know the answers that you won't get and I feel like you've handled it really truly so, so beautifully, as best that you can, and you'll continue to do that, but it doesn't mean that you weren't hurt in the process.

00:11:10.634 --> 00:11:22.964
It puts a different perspective on things, because I think that you feel and again it's a feeling that as long as somebody is alive, something can be resolved, Something can be changed.

00:11:22.964 --> 00:11:42.326
You can hear them, they can hear you and all of a sudden, all those opportunities to have those conversations that were needed, that you thought could happen any time, never happened and now they never will.

00:11:42.326 --> 00:12:07.212
So, to put a whole twist on this, if you have anybody in your life that you have hurt deeply, or if you feel that you have been wronged and you feel like you need to have those conversations, I mean you just need to have them because you don't want that semicolon or to become a period and it'd be where you don't have the opportunity anymore.

00:12:08.360 --> 00:12:14.784
So I don't know if I've shared this on the podcast before I might have, I'm just not a hundred percent sure, but several.

00:12:14.784 --> 00:12:25.086
I would say probably a year, year and a half ago at this point, I had one of my pretty close high school friends reach out to me and say I'm sorry.

00:12:25.086 --> 00:12:38.423
She said I'm all these years later I mean we're talking 20 years later she apologizes for just abruptly ending our friendship and she said I don't even know, I loved.

00:12:38.423 --> 00:12:39.625
I loved when she said this.

00:12:39.625 --> 00:12:45.104
I don't even remember why it ended, I just remember how much fun that we had.

00:12:45.104 --> 00:12:47.087
And so she wanted to get together again.

00:12:48.110 --> 00:12:56.150
And I wasn't being mean intentionally or anything, but I just said thank you so much.

00:12:56.150 --> 00:13:00.485
I didn't even think about it, to be honest with you, because you're healed from that.

00:13:00.485 --> 00:13:01.389
So of course you don't.

00:13:01.389 --> 00:13:06.548
You don't think about something now, 20 years ago, and you don't see this person so out of sight, out of mind.

00:13:06.548 --> 00:13:09.142
But it was nice to get that apology.

00:13:09.182 --> 00:13:22.402
And at the same time I said I'm sorry, I don't have, I don't have the capacity, the time to get together with you, but I wish you well.

00:13:22.402 --> 00:13:24.927
It's funny this summer I ran into her at the ball field, in about an hour from our house.

00:13:24.927 --> 00:13:43.816
So how funny that we were there and we ended up just chatting for a few minutes and it was really good to just to see her and to catch up, and you know so I guess in the end some you know, some things work out and it's so nice to be able to get that even all that time later, you know.

00:13:43.816 --> 00:13:50.413
So I guess what we're saying is it is never too late to apologize or to tell someone you love them.

00:13:51.120 --> 00:14:02.861
Is there anybody and you don't have to list them is there anybody in your life that you feel that's unresolved, like you need to say something to them or you still need something from them?

00:14:02.861 --> 00:14:07.212
You want to say something to them or you still need something from them.

00:14:10.100 --> 00:14:24.557
Yeah, I would say there's probably just one person in particular that I don't really understand the distance I do, but I don't.

00:14:24.557 --> 00:14:29.407
You know, there wasn't anything that transpired between us in a negative way.

00:14:29.407 --> 00:14:57.142
I just wonder if this friend has listened to some chatter that's not true about me, right, just listen to chatter in general and, uh, you know, has decided to side with with that person or not, and so I've actually contemplated having the conversation, but I keep coming back to I haven't even seen this person in over a year and I try to go okay, well, will it still bother me in a year?

00:14:57.982 --> 00:14:59.566
and the fact that I haven't seen this person in a year?

00:14:59.566 --> 00:15:00.567
I'm like, well, will it still bother me in a year?

00:15:00.567 --> 00:15:01.729
And the fact that I haven't seen this person in a year?

00:15:01.729 --> 00:15:02.210
I'm like I don't know.

00:15:02.210 --> 00:15:05.514
I don't know if what they would say would be helpful or harmful.

00:15:10.748 --> 00:15:13.217
And I do try to take that into consideration.

00:15:13.217 --> 00:15:13.559
What about you?

00:15:13.559 --> 00:15:19.322
Yeah, I do have some unresolved people, you know.

00:15:19.322 --> 00:15:21.445
Unfortunately, quite a few of them have passed, so I don't think that.

00:15:21.445 --> 00:15:34.111
Do you believe in going to somebody's grave and having that conversation and you feel better about it, like you have to actually go to the physical place to have that resolution?

00:15:35.094 --> 00:15:35.573
I don't.

00:15:35.573 --> 00:15:42.211
That's never been how I have felt, but I could understand how that could be something that adds to the healing process.

00:15:42.572 --> 00:15:47.248
Yeah, yeah maybe Quite a few of them have passed away.

00:15:47.248 --> 00:15:48.465
Some of them are still alive.

00:15:48.465 --> 00:15:53.871
But I do, weirdly, I do have some people that have hurt me pretty significantly.

00:15:53.871 --> 00:15:59.581
And you know what Another twist there's some people.

00:15:59.581 --> 00:16:03.832
I don't want it, I don't want the apology.

00:16:03.832 --> 00:16:14.274
They hurt me so much, so deeply, that I don't want to even be in their presence and hear an.

00:16:14.274 --> 00:16:14.855
I'm sorry.

00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:28.195
I feel like for me I guess there's another person I was thinking about I don't think I would believe the apology, so it doesn't make any sense to even try to go that route.

00:16:28.956 --> 00:16:38.741
Yeah, and you can hurt.

00:16:38.741 --> 00:16:46.231
We can hurt somebody and we can be hurt so badly that what we're saying in this episode is 100% true.

00:16:46.231 --> 00:16:57.126
It can change your whole entire perspective on humanity and yourself and love and trust and all the things.

00:16:57.126 --> 00:17:04.788
So, unfortunately, you can change, keep going and be a better person.

00:17:04.788 --> 00:17:10.557
And you know this podcast has grown from our hurts and pains.

00:17:10.557 --> 00:17:13.246
Oh, absolutely so.

00:17:13.246 --> 00:17:15.029
It can all be redeemed.

00:17:15.029 --> 00:17:31.444
I believe that there is redemption in a lot of things and I did a whole thesis on restoration ministry, but I also believe that the pains are still there and I let them fuel these types of episodes.

00:17:31.444 --> 00:17:36.192
So I don't let them just sit in me and rot.

00:17:36.192 --> 00:17:37.815
But are they there?

00:17:37.815 --> 00:17:40.019
Yes, is their heart hurt?

00:17:40.019 --> 00:17:42.248
Yes, and they.

00:17:42.248 --> 00:17:48.219
I will never be who I was before those things happened.

00:17:49.105 --> 00:17:56.075
I think there's a better, more beautiful version of what you would have been had some of those things not happened.

00:17:56.075 --> 00:18:01.234
And I know that's really hard to say and believe, and I know that because I know it about myself too.

00:18:01.234 --> 00:18:05.073
There's a lot that I didn't deserve.

00:18:05.073 --> 00:18:09.425
I didn't provoke, I didn't cause, I had absolutely zero to do with it.

00:18:09.425 --> 00:18:10.990
It was someone else's decision.

00:18:10.990 --> 00:18:13.095
In the end.

00:18:13.095 --> 00:18:14.076
It's made me stronger.

00:18:14.076 --> 00:18:15.710
I want to share something with you, and it's.

00:18:15.710 --> 00:18:22.092
It's from um, it's from what I wrote for our upcoming newsletter, and it's really funny because I don't.

00:18:22.192 --> 00:18:24.357
I don't believe in coincidence at all.

00:18:24.357 --> 00:18:31.849
I don't have time to read much these days, except the books that my kids bring home and have to for school.

00:18:31.849 --> 00:18:39.295
But something prompted me to grab my favorite book again that I've read more than once, and it's Love Does by Bob Goff.

00:18:39.295 --> 00:18:41.007
I've talked about this book over and over.

00:18:41.007 --> 00:18:42.852
I believe with all my heart.

00:18:42.852 --> 00:18:47.354
Whether you believe in Jesus or not, it doesn't matter for the book purpose.

00:18:47.354 --> 00:18:58.502
You, you I think anybody could read this book and get everything out of it that you were intended to, whether you do or don't believe in a higher being, but I love that book.

00:18:58.502 --> 00:18:59.385
It's my favorite book.

00:18:59.445 --> 00:19:02.556
So we were going on a car ride and I grabbed it.

00:19:02.556 --> 00:19:11.609
I randomly opened it to I actually believe it was page 117 only to find it was not by coincidence, it was chapter 18.

00:19:11.609 --> 00:19:26.673
Each of the chapters are just individual stories, and so this was a story about how the author hitchhiked after college and he would go on these hitchhiking adventures and he would always ask where are you going?

00:19:26.673 --> 00:19:32.546
So if a car pulled up to him he would say hi, my name's Bob, where are you headed?

00:19:32.546 --> 00:19:40.431
Maybe they would say the Grand Canyon and he'd be like oh, I've already been there, thanks, I'll wait for the next ride if he didn't feel comfortable.

00:19:40.431 --> 00:19:44.013
So it kind of gave him a way out by saying well, where are you headed?

00:19:44.013 --> 00:19:50.458
Because if you're not heading in the same direction it can cause problems, and this will all come full circle here in a minute or two.

00:19:51.499 --> 00:20:05.125
So one day he's hitchhiking, he stopped at this ice plant and he's there for 24 hours and he's got.

00:20:05.125 --> 00:20:06.232
He has had no ride, his thumbs are up, nobody's stopping.

00:20:06.232 --> 00:20:07.661
So he gets real antsy to get on the go again Again, 24 hours.

00:20:07.661 --> 00:20:10.291
He's just been sitting there, so he lets his guard down.

00:20:10.291 --> 00:20:15.415
He makes a mistake by getting into a man's van who said his name was Satan.

00:20:15.415 --> 00:20:22.758
Okay, he doesn't find this out until he gets into the van and he sees all kinds of interesting things.

00:20:22.758 --> 00:20:26.496
He saw a picture of feet on his dashboard.

00:20:27.246 --> 00:20:29.231
The man he said smelled terrible.

00:20:29.231 --> 00:20:32.028
The way that Bob Goff described it is.

00:20:32.028 --> 00:20:35.257
He said the smell could have knocked over a water buffalo at 50 yards.

00:20:35.257 --> 00:20:40.576
And he said he immediately knew they were not headed toward the same place.

00:20:40.576 --> 00:20:42.528
So he asked to get out.

00:20:42.528 --> 00:20:44.211
Satan said nothing.

00:20:44.211 --> 00:20:58.671
So Bob was getting real nervous at this time and he decided to get real firm, made some threats, said some curse words all the ones he knew he said and finally the guy pulled over and let him out.

00:20:58.671 --> 00:21:02.346
And then the next time Bob put his thumbs out he was a bit more apprehensive.

00:21:02.346 --> 00:21:06.492
So, in his words, he learned a lot that day.

00:21:06.492 --> 00:21:12.320
He said quote we have a lot more power to decide who we do life with than some people think.

00:21:12.320 --> 00:21:17.576
And if you make a bad pick, like I did, you need to do what it takes to get out of the car.

00:21:18.746 --> 00:21:22.957
He said I don't mean to sound callous, because the bad ones need friends too.

00:21:22.957 --> 00:21:25.752
They just don't need you.

00:21:25.752 --> 00:21:30.733
That freed me instantly reading that.

00:21:30.733 --> 00:21:36.153
It's like I knew it, but the way he phrased it was just light bulb material, okay.

00:21:36.153 --> 00:21:41.894
And he said Jesus doesn't give Satan any grace, he just speaks the truth to him and tells him to go away.

00:21:41.894 --> 00:21:47.496
If Satan had come back saying he was sorry, that would be different, but of course he didn't and he won't.

00:21:47.496 --> 00:21:52.036
Some people learn to be altruistic and caring and some people don't.

00:21:52.036 --> 00:21:53.790
You don't always know right away.

00:21:53.790 --> 00:21:59.376
What I've decided is a pretty good idea is to just ask people where they're going before you get in with them.

00:22:00.605 --> 00:22:01.451
Isn't that great?

00:22:01.451 --> 00:22:03.951
Oh my gosh, I love that.

00:22:03.951 --> 00:22:05.255
It's so good.

00:22:05.255 --> 00:22:09.569
I mean, it's such a great visual it is, isn't it?

00:22:09.569 --> 00:22:16.795
Yeah, and I love the thought of asking somebody, and that's just getting to know somebody before you become their friend.

00:22:16.795 --> 00:22:24.675
Honestly, in some situations you want to know where they are in life and where they're heading before you want to jump in, jump on board.

00:22:25.164 --> 00:22:26.751
Absolutely, absolutely.

00:22:26.751 --> 00:22:27.105
You know.

00:22:27.105 --> 00:22:28.451
Here's my example.

00:22:28.451 --> 00:22:31.333
My example is let's say that you're a recovering addict.

00:22:31.333 --> 00:22:37.951
Okay, let's say you're a recovering alcoholic and you meet some new friends and you're like, oh, these people seem really cool.

00:22:37.951 --> 00:22:41.835
And then you find out what do they want to do five days a week?

00:22:41.835 --> 00:22:43.551
They want to go to the bar and drink.

00:22:43.551 --> 00:22:46.673
You can't go to the bar and drink with them.

00:22:46.673 --> 00:22:49.748
Want to go to the bar and drink.

00:22:49.748 --> 00:22:50.771
You can't go to the bar and drink with them.

00:22:50.771 --> 00:23:01.148
You can, you can be acquaintances with them, but you can't get in too deep with them, Because getting in too deep with them will bring you down and it will start you in a path that you don't want to go down anymore, Because addiction is an everyday battle.

00:23:01.148 --> 00:23:09.551
And so that's just what I think about too when, when I talk about that Bob Goff story and I just I love it so much.

00:23:09.551 --> 00:23:12.971
The bad ones need friends too.

00:23:12.971 --> 00:23:14.476
They just don't need you Now.

00:23:14.476 --> 00:23:15.096
Think about that.

00:23:15.096 --> 00:23:16.730
Think about that for a minute.

00:23:17.445 --> 00:23:19.431
The group of people that really bothered me this summer.

00:23:19.431 --> 00:23:21.414
You all deserve each other.

00:23:21.414 --> 00:23:22.438
You can have each other.

00:23:22.438 --> 00:23:27.665
You don't deserve me, you don't need me, I am not like you.

00:23:27.665 --> 00:23:36.613
I do wish you all very well, but you don't get me, and that's okay.

00:23:36.613 --> 00:23:38.035
They can be their own little group.

00:23:38.035 --> 00:23:43.138
But then also I will say anyone close to someone in that group can't be close to me.

00:23:43.138 --> 00:23:46.382
It's just how the boundaries work for me.

00:23:46.602 --> 00:23:50.164
Oh, you know what that's interesting?

00:23:50.164 --> 00:23:54.833
Because I feel betrayed.

00:23:54.833 --> 00:24:16.605
Now there are people that I've had to cut out of my life that are so toxic for me, and it hurts that I've had to cut them out of my life because they should be in my life, but they've been so toxic that we've had to sever the relationship.

00:24:16.605 --> 00:24:22.556
And you know that's interesting that you said that, because I do feel a betrayal if somebody who is friends with me is friends with them.

00:24:23.739 --> 00:24:27.851
Yeah, same, I feel it too, and I mean an acquaintance.

00:24:27.851 --> 00:24:37.848
That that's one thing, but you know, if someone who's super close to me is going to get super close in there, that that's not going to work for me.

00:24:37.848 --> 00:24:42.026
I'll just remove myself because there, there's and it's.

00:24:42.026 --> 00:24:44.869
I may be wrong with this, but this is just how I feel.

00:24:44.869 --> 00:24:47.634
I cannot then be that close.

00:24:47.634 --> 00:24:53.712
If you're going in with the wrong crowd, in my opinion, I can't do it because I have to protect myself.

00:24:54.506 --> 00:24:57.516
And they know what that person has done to you Exactly.

00:24:57.516 --> 00:25:12.570
And if they can't honor your relationship and believe what you're saying, enough to say you know what I'm going to keep them at a distance too, you know, I mean, hey, I am so loyal to my friends.

00:25:12.811 --> 00:25:13.673
I think it's wise.

00:25:14.736 --> 00:25:25.277
I'm so loyal to my friends that if I found out that somebody hurt you and they were standing in front of me, oh they would know how upset I am, as if it had happened to me too, you know that's how.

00:25:28.484 --> 00:25:29.326
That's how I am too, and I, you, you know.

00:25:29.326 --> 00:25:33.105
Not everybody has to agree with me, that's that's totally okay, but that is how I feel, yeah and I will.

00:25:33.205 --> 00:25:41.519
I will protect myself well, I have a quote um with this episode and I I don't know who said it.

00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:44.109
The deepest wounds aren't always visible.

00:25:44.109 --> 00:25:50.970
They come from the words and actions that shatter our trust in others, ourselves and the world.

00:25:50.970 --> 00:25:57.326
Healing is possible, but we often leave pieces of ourselves behind in the process.

00:25:59.029 --> 00:25:59.390
Amen.

00:25:59.390 --> 00:26:00.873
It's hard but true.

00:26:00.873 --> 00:26:02.796
It also gives me hope.

00:26:02.796 --> 00:26:10.086
You know, healing is possible, but we could do a lot less hurt if we could just be a little more kind.

00:26:10.086 --> 00:26:11.048
That's what I think.

00:26:11.690 --> 00:26:31.481
I just want to ask you this before we go Do you think that there are parts that are so deep and hurt they've been hurt so bad Do you think that there's a part that doesn't get healed or is still lying on that ground?

00:26:33.307 --> 00:26:35.615
I'm sure it's different for everyone.

00:26:35.615 --> 00:26:43.859
For me personally, I can think of a family member who's hurt me so deeply that the boundaries are just the wall.

00:26:43.859 --> 00:26:45.001
They're walls.

00:26:45.001 --> 00:26:50.406
They're not windows, they're not doors, they're concrete walls that are so tall.

00:26:50.406 --> 00:26:53.472
I'll never let the person in again.

00:26:53.472 --> 00:26:57.300
So but but am I healed from it?

00:26:57.300 --> 00:27:00.066
I am, I do believe I'm healed from it.

00:27:00.066 --> 00:27:05.252
It's just, it was so repetitive that I won't let it happen ever again.

00:27:05.252 --> 00:27:19.253
So I would say there are pieces that are gone that can never be put back together.

00:27:19.253 --> 00:27:27.590
The time I lost with my mom and dad because of this person years ago, I can never get that back.

00:27:27.590 --> 00:27:32.471
Have I forgiven, so that I cannot be angry about it?

00:27:32.471 --> 00:27:34.414
Yes, but did I forget?

00:27:34.414 --> 00:27:36.617
No, have I moved on?

00:27:36.617 --> 00:27:42.013
Absolutely, but they're not even a thought in my mind ever.

00:27:42.013 --> 00:27:43.076
Right, right.

00:27:44.345 --> 00:27:45.506
It reminds me of.

00:27:45.506 --> 00:27:49.868
I don't know if you know who Patsy Claremont is, but she's an author speaker.

00:27:49.868 --> 00:27:53.791
I don't even know if she does that anymore, because she would be older now.

00:27:53.791 --> 00:28:18.711
But you know another woman that's just full of wise words and on one of the covers of her she has a book that's called Cracked Pots, I believe, and it's just so beautiful because just got this pot and it has a crack down the middle of it, but it's a light shining out of the cracked pot and even though we're broken, you know, that's where the beauty can shine through.

00:28:18.711 --> 00:28:21.155
Yes, the light still gets in.

00:28:21.696 --> 00:28:26.855
Right, it gets in and it gets out I was just gonna say and it, and it goes out too, yeah.

00:28:26.915 --> 00:28:36.079
Right, yeah, so I mean, there is so much beauty, even though that we can hurt to our depths.

00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:39.573
Now, do I hurt all the time?

00:28:39.573 --> 00:28:42.068
No, because of those things.

00:28:42.068 --> 00:28:57.653
No, in fact, what you just said, I don't even think of them, I don't even think of the pain most of the time, but we've had episode on triggers, and that's when you know that it's still in there.

00:28:57.653 --> 00:28:59.959
Yeah, I agree.

00:29:00.746 --> 00:29:02.311
You know, I think it leaves scars.

00:29:02.311 --> 00:29:06.935
I think a good visual is, I think it can leave scars.

00:29:06.935 --> 00:29:10.034
You know, they heal, yes, they do.

00:29:10.034 --> 00:29:26.291
The skin closes back up, yes, it does, but it leaves a mark, and so I, I think that's where I would would say you know, with the, with a few things, that's how it is for me, and we just have to be cautious and careful with our words and just lead with love.

00:29:27.173 --> 00:29:30.087
Yes, I think we can't go wrong if we do that.

00:29:30.087 --> 00:29:32.513
Well, it's been great to be back.

00:29:32.513 --> 00:29:35.407
Thank you so much for listening, for watching us today.

00:29:35.407 --> 00:29:37.393
This is Real Talk with Tina and Anne.

00:29:37.393 --> 00:29:39.057
We look forward to seeing you again soon.