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Welcome back to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.
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I am Anne.
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This is part two of our interview with the extraordinary Victoria Ellen.
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In part one, victoria courageously shared her story of escaping a severely abusive environment and the relentless effort it took to get authorities to take action.
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Use of environment and the relentless effort it took to get authorities to take action.
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Her journey is nothing short of heroic, as she not only fought for her own safety, but also for justice on a larger scale, one that even caught the attention of the federal government.
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Victoria's story is a powerful testament to the strength and resilience of survivors.
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She's become a voice for children and adults who have been victims of abuse and for those wronged by manipulative con artists.
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Her bravery is inspiring and her advocacy is a reminder that no one has to face these battles alone.
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If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation, please know help is available, make a plan, gather important documents and reach out to trusted individuals or local shelters for support.
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Abuse often escalates when someone tries to leave, so it's critical to have a safe place to go.
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Victoria's book Painting in the Rain a true story of trickery and triumph is a compelling read you won't want to put down.
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We left off last time with the beginning of her story.
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Now let's pick up, as she shares how she was able to escape her then-husband and start a new chapter in her life.
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Here's part two of Victoria Ellen's powerful journey.
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So how did you finally leave him?
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So interesting.
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We got into another altercation and I just happened to be far enough away from him this one day when we were fighting that I was able to get out the front door.
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Our son was there, who was literally like just shy of a three-year-old.
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So I felt like, okay, he's two and a half Like if I bolt out the front door, daryl's not going to come after me because he's not going to leave our son in the house by himself.
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You know what I mean.
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So that didn't work because when he realized that I had taken off out the front door, he took off out the front door after me and left our son in the house.
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And it's a November day broad daylight in suburban, you know neighborhood in Ohio, and here I go running down the street and I'm eight months pregnant and here comes him, you know, right running behind me and I'm just like running for my life.
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I was literally like in my head I'm thinking I am never going back, I am never going back, I am never going back.
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Whatever I need to do to get Ryland, I will do it, but I'm never going back to a life that I have to live with him you know, right Now your dad got involved, didn't?
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he pick you up.
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He did.
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He picked me up at the police station.
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I called him, so when?
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he said the words everything is going to be all right, I mean I felt the release for you.
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I mean it must have been like you probably.
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I mean there's your dad just reassuring you.
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That must have felt wonderful.
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It was.
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It was great and you know, I was still a little bit of disbelief because they did not know what I had been enduring and it was like, I think in his mind it was like, yeah, everything's going to be all right because now she's left him and everything's going to be fine.
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But they had no idea what I had lived through for the past three years.
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He knew that something was wrong.
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I mean, he went to that retreat and he was, I think, fearful for you, whether he really knew or not, and he had a peace at that retreat because you know he was reassured that you were going to be okay.
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Yes, absolutely.
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And that was really interesting too, because someone there actually said to him when he was away, just trying to like clear his head you know everything's going to be fine with your daughter and oh, by the way, she's going to come home and she's going to have more than one child, and it was like how would you even know that?
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And you don't even know what the situation looks like you don't even know what the situation looks like.
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Being able to have somebody just speak into your life and be like, hey, this is what I'm seeing, you know, and I think everything's going to be okay for you.
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I mean definitely amazing how, behind the scenes like there was always a plan and it was going to be fulfilled I just took like this detour no-transcript.
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Scary, and I know a lot of other women experience the same exact thing.
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Exactly.
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That's why I loved it so much, because I thought of all the women in that shelter, all the women that I've encountered that had to leave such a scary situation and had to jump and had no idea where they were going to land.
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Some of the most scariest places is the unknown.
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Yes, it is, because at least it's like where you're at, at least you know what to expect.
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But you have to get to a point where you kind of understand, like it can't be worse than where I'm at right now, like, okay, yeah, my mind, I was trying to rationalize it and I thought, well, my God, like I don't have a place to live, but I've got friends, yeah, I don't have an option anymore.
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Like the option to stay has been removed off the table.
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You're going to have to jump.
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You got to figure it out now because his life is worth it.
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And this baby, you know her life is worth it.
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Right.
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You filed a CPO against him, a civil protection order.
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Did you feel safe with that order?
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Oh, absolutely not.
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It's interesting.
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You know you take all of the steps that you know to take in order to keep yourself safe, but never I never felt safe from him Ever.
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I feel safe now, but not at that time and in your book you paint this picture of you're pregnant.
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You need to go back and get your things and the garage door.
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Are you kidding me?
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I couldn't.
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It was like this war with the garage door.
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It was so funny.
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Once I finally got a hold of that garage door and I was able to push it up, we found like an old headboard that was like in the garage and I pushed the garage door up.
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My friend procks the garage door open.
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Daryl's inside the house and he's pushing the button for the garage door to try to make it go down, which obviously like breaks the motor for the garage door because he's just pushing it to make it go down.
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I've got something blocking it.
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All I wanted to do was go in the house and get my things.
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And.
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I just wanted to get my baby's things and my son's things, that's it, and some of my clothes.
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That's it, because when his friends came from the police department, they wouldn't let me take my things with me, so yeah, and then when you finally do, you know you're in and the police.
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he's like well, her things aren't even here.
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And then he looks in a bag and I think it was, it was girl stuff, for sure and he's like are these yours?
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That was awesome.
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It was awesome.
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Like yeah, it's your underclothes.
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Like like hello, do you wear women's underclothes?
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Like no, you don't.
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So okay, let's just keep it moving, buddy yeah.
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So you took your things you do get your things and you go back to your new place at this time and you're just like scattered all of your belongings on the floor from trash bags and you remember thinking you've made it and in a way you did.
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But there was a long way to go.
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And this next chapter of your life was even scarier as the abuse of the children unfolded and everywhere you turned the authorities, nobody would help you.
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Not one person.
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Not one person helped me.
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It is unbelievable.
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I've actually and I disclose this in the book I met with a prosecuting attorney in a local county and she read my book and she just said you know, this is tragic because in my case I literally had everything that was needed to lock people up for the crimes that they had committed against my children that were just so heinous, oh my gosh, because it was like all these different counties and because you're dealing with corrupt people that are in power literally could not move the needle, could not move the needle.
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So it was just day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
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No joke for three.
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Oh my gosh, no joke right.
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Yeah.
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So I couldn't get anybody to help me.
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And even when people did, I thought were helping me like investigators would come and investigate the children and then the children would disclose that they had been abused and sexually molested and raped and all of these horrible things, and they would tell the authorities what had happened, they would cite it and then no charges were ever brought.
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It's just, it's absurd.
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It is a an atrocity, in my opinion.
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I think that it is maddening.
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I can't believe that this is where we were at in the justice system, but nonetheless, that's where we were, and I just want to make sure that our listeners understand my son and daughter and they had come back from their last visit with abuse.
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I did not ever send them back.
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Once I knew, like once she came home and he came home both of them with visual signs of sexual abuse.
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They never went back.
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Prior to that it was like oh, so-and-so did such and such and I thought, well, if I got a court order that said that Rylind and Sadie couldn't be around certain people, I felt like that was going to keep them safe.
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I had no idea that my children were being abused by their very own father.
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No idea.
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Right, there was.
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I had a visual in my head when I was reading all of that and it was like this you know streets just in all directions with all these dead ends at the end of them, and you were just going from police to judges, to CSB, to you know everybody, and every single time it literally was a dead end.
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And talk about playing God.
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And talk about playing God, I mean, it just seemed that each of these players felt that they were almost like a God over your life and they treated you all horribly and I can't believe that, even when a child and you know he did your son ended up saying quite a bit eventually, what he was saying wasn't even taken as truth.
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It wasn't.
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It's wild to me.
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I can understand being very cautious and wanting to make sure that you don't falsely imprison someone you know what I mean or send someone with false allegations to prison over something that they did not do.
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I understand all of that.
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But my son had substantiated investigation with Children's Services, and so did my doc, and they named my ex-husband, their biological father, as their perpetrator and no one would do anything to help us.
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And I I mean, I don't know what a person's supposed to do.
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You've gone to literally every single source.
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You've gone to counselors, you've gone to police, you've gone to judges, you've gone to guardian ad litems, you've gone to I mean, children's services, literally every single thing.
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And Daryl was so convincing, ann, that he had all of those people believing that he was the one that was the victim.
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And that's how a narcissist is.
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They are always the victim.
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Everybody's done them wrong and, in his own words, everybody did me dirty, you know, and really flip it the other way.
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He's doing everyone else wrong, but who was so convincing and such a professional con artist that he had all of these people eating out of his hands?
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Yeah, you had an investigator on the case that had only been there about 18 months, you say, and some of the things that were done I was just because, you know, I've adopted my kids.
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They had been abused and I know the system quite a bit actually.
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And they interviewed Daryl's family in a group.
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I mean, I had never even heard of that before.
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They didn't even talk to you and they didn't even talk to Rylan and some of the things like okay, the investigator said that he felt that there was no sign of sexual abuse because the abuser denied it.
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Because the abuser denied it, I'll tell you what I have never met an abuser that says, yep, I did it.
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It's absurd.
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It's absolutely absurd.
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There is a process that you are supposed to follow as an investigator when there are claims of abuse, and he literally didn't do any of them.
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He put the entire family and every single person that had been accused of any type of abuse in their living room and asked them point blank did you abuse these children?
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These are the nicest people ever.
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They would never do something like that.
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They said no and he closed his case and moved on Like literally absurd.
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I mean, did not do his job in any way, shape or form.
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I can't even imagine that.
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Like I said, nobody's going to admit it and your son even named who was doing things to him still nothing.
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But they show up at your or your mom's house when there was a bruise, unexpectedly, they just show up, you know.
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So I mean there was such a difference in the way you were handled and the way he was handled all the way through this.
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They even had a case not open at all because the caseworker forgot to open it, so it went uninvestigated for a really long time.
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And you kind of touched on this earlier.
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How counties?
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Because there were things going on in different counties and they weren't talking to each other.
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No, that's.
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I think that's probably one of the biggest downfalls in the case, because I couldn't get everybody in every county to get on the same page, like we couldn't put all the pieces of this puzzle together on one table and be like see here, see here, see here.
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And to your point earlier about Daryl trying to claim that there was a bruise on Ryland that I had put on him, there was such a mudslinging contest going on and it just looked like every single time I would say something, he would combat it.
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Yeah for sure Against me in order to try to cover up the truth.
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So it's like you can't win at this battle.
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And he was never tiring, it was like the Energizer bunny.
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I just thought like how much longer are we going to have to do this?
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You know, your son had a hard time talking to some of the authorities and so they discredited him.
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And I was just thinking that what little kid is going to be able to really say those things anyway?
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And just because he wasn't really able to give his address and things like that, when you've been traumatized and you're a little kid, and even when you're an adult, sometimes you're not able to say some of the basic things.
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But he was screaming in so many different ways with his behavior and everything else, and he did actually say it with his mouth.
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They should have listened to him, even if he couldn't say some of those basic things.
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Agreed, I don't think a child can articulate abuse.
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Anyway, I mean the way that my children described the sex abuse was just.
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I mean, you have to understand intercourse, you have to understand sex and what happens during sex in order to be able to even understand what a three-year-old is telling you about what someone's doing to them.
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I mean, they would have had to have seen it, experienced it, watched it.
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Something had to have happened and the fact that he was completely discredited the entire time.
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It's just.
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There's a lot in there of emotion, because it's still hard for me to even like think about it, because I'm like we were done so unjustly.
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Where was the justice?
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Where is the justice for my children?
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You know Exactly, oh my gosh.
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You know, yeah, and that wicked witch Judge.
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I mean you kept getting her and I just was like what is happening?
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I mean she treated you so different than she treated Daryl and she even rolled her eyes at you and laughed, but allowed him to talk and interrupted you and even nodded her head in agreement with him.
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I mean I just couldn't believe all the things that were happening with the judge.
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It's wild that these people are in power.
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I mean, what are we to do when this is what we are letting run our society?
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Yeah, yeah, and she was another one that discounted your son.
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Yeah, yeah, and she was another one that discounted your son and, yeah, I can't believe how she took him back to talk to him.
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I mean, you say that he didn't.
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She didn't even hold his hand and basically you were saying that there was nothing warm about this interaction between the two of them.
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And if you're going to talk to a child about something that's happened to them, my kids were hurt by somebody and we actually have a center in our county where they take them back.
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It's a play area.
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There's a glass where they don't even know that all these police and everything are watching behind this glass and it's very private.
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Nobody knows even where this is, unless your child has been abused in some way, and they have to go talk to authorities and they have a counselor in there playing with them and doing all these things and getting it out with them in a very natural way, and they don't even really know what's happening.
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So I just couldn't believe that that's how they did it.
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I couldn't either.
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I still can't.
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It still is mind-boggling, and that's why when you said in the beginning like this really is like made for a movie, Because it is so unbelievable you can't even make sense it exposes a lot of this it does, and I think that's one of the reasons why they were fighting me so hard was because they didn't want me to expose their uh, corruption.
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Um, you know, it's so funny because I just finished and I'll just tease this out because I think it's appropriate right here and but I just finished filming for a documentary and it's on a very, very, very big, big, big streaming platform.
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And it's funny because they didn't.
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They wanted to silence me, they wanted to silence me.
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They wanted to silence me.
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They wanted my, my children, to just be quiet and let the abuse continue and just let another generation of people just continue to, um, you know, be uh, silenced and and abused.
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That's all I can say.
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And so I I have refused to let that happen.
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And it's interesting now because, fast forward I mean, writing a book about my life was so wild I never thought in a million years I would be able to do this.
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But now, writing this book and having this platform that I'm using my pain for purpose to help other people, it's like you thought you were going to silence me.
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And it's funny because now I have a much larger voice and a much bigger platform than I probably ever would have if you would have just left me alone.
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You know what I mean.
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So, things all work out for a reason.
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But it's wild when you think about like full circle moment.
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You know.
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I mean even the hospital and there were physical exams and there was evidence and I mean you had all the things.
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I just don't know where all this proof was going.
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It was just like poof, and where was it going that these people weren't?
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And there was even a part where it was substantiated and it was marked substantiated, but it was still ignored.
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And there were letters written by let me see daycare workers or something, and even that was ignored.
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That's correct Everything was ignored.
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:22.790
But they did pay attention to the child support because that was black and white.
00:22:22.790 --> 00:22:27.785
I mean, that was the only thing that I could think of as why they paid attention to that.
00:22:29.027 --> 00:22:35.507
Well, I mean, that's fast forward, like 13 years from the time the case kind of ended.
00:22:35.626 --> 00:22:38.374
So, yeah, so quick backstory.
00:22:38.595 --> 00:22:49.729
He was after the children were disclosing that he was indeed the perpetrator and that one of the perpetrators and that we did have substantiated reports from children's services.
00:22:49.789 --> 00:23:05.872
He went dark for almost a decade and then when he resurfaced, we were in court and the judge same judge was trying to reestablish parenting time, and now the kids are much older.
00:23:05.872 --> 00:23:16.828
You know, a whole decade has passed and we were really just trying to figure out where we were going to go and because, honestly, like we couldn't afford to keep going with the attorney fees.
00:23:16.828 --> 00:23:31.630
We had a case that went to the Ohio Supreme Court and one of the reasons why I did the child support thing was my husband, who is an incredible human being, really MVP in this whole entire story.
00:23:31.630 --> 00:23:46.320
But he convinced me to be my own attorney and said you know, we can't afford to hire another attorney, so maybe you can still get pressure on Daryl by using child support, which you're the only person that has access to his financials.
00:23:46.320 --> 00:23:56.930
So that was kind of the reason why we used that strategy and indeed that was what ended up being helping to be one of the linchpins, you know, in this case.
00:23:58.460 --> 00:24:07.614
Well, while that was, I mean we'll get to all of that, but he was living large, to all of that, but he was living large, large, when you were struggling with all of these things.
00:24:16.060 --> 00:24:16.760
Absolutely.
00:24:16.760 --> 00:24:28.096
He was living in a nearly million-dollar home in a beautiful golf club community and driving a Mercedes S550, like the highest know that Mercedes even makes Driving a Dodge Viper.
00:24:28.096 --> 00:25:06.612
He was traveling all over the world, going to Sierra Leone and, you know, going to Miami and like going to private fights and had VIP passes to meet with, like you know, this very important boxer and he was with Floyd Mayweather Just names VIP people going to games, like football games and sitting front row and getting box seats, and going to Disneyland and taking his family there and just literally living his best life.
00:25:06.612 --> 00:25:15.570
And I'm over here struggling and my husband's working a second job and we're pulling every single dime out of savings to try to afford to pay for our attorneys.
00:25:15.570 --> 00:25:16.535
It was wild.
00:25:16.535 --> 00:25:19.803
We were in litigation this time on those seven years.
00:25:21.625 --> 00:25:27.575
Your entire life, it seemed, was with courts and handling things with him.
00:25:27.575 --> 00:25:31.971
It was just so time-consuming for you.
00:25:31.971 --> 00:25:45.253
And another thing if you weren't going to uphold your end with the visitations and things like that, with what you knew enough that you really believed that he was abusing them, you were going to go to jail.
00:25:46.500 --> 00:25:52.541
Oh yeah, I was sentenced to jail and I appealed it like three different times Same judge.
00:25:52.541 --> 00:26:04.442
She sentenced me to jail because the children refused to go with Daryl and exercise visits with their perpetrator that she ordered them to do.
00:26:05.163 --> 00:26:07.886
You know, I thought that they're at least in Ohio.
00:26:07.886 --> 00:26:08.426
I don't know.
00:26:08.426 --> 00:26:13.652
I mean, isn't there an age limit when you can say that you don't want to go see your parent?
00:26:14.112 --> 00:26:15.012
No, ma'am 18.
00:26:15.032 --> 00:26:16.815
No 18?
00:26:18.997 --> 00:26:27.868
Okay, that's not okay that you don't have a say that's right, we need bill reform here.
00:26:27.868 --> 00:26:32.789
I mean for sure you know my children both had to end up aging out.
00:26:32.789 --> 00:26:40.273
So if you haven't read the book I'll just kind of give a little quick insight to our reader or to our listeners.
00:26:40.273 --> 00:26:45.174
But basically in the book I explain that the court ordered visits.
00:26:45.174 --> 00:26:50.367
My son is three years older than my daughter, so by the time he hit 18, he went to college.
00:26:50.367 --> 00:26:54.805
My daughter still had three more years to go until she was 18.
00:26:54.805 --> 00:26:57.109
So she had to continue up for the visits.
