Showing up is 90% of success

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Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.

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I am Anne and, as you can see, there's nobody else, and there is a reason for that.

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This is a little bit of a different episode.

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Normally there's Tina right beside me, which I love.

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When she's right beside me, we have great conversation, and I do miss her during this episode.

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We normally have a conversation, we have a guest, but this one, like I said, it's just me, and there's a reason for that.

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I spent so much of my life wishing and thinking about what I wanted to be.

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I was thinking about this.

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90% of it is just showing up.

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90% of success is just showing up and I'm going to prove it to you.

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You know, so much of my life, like I said, I was wishing and thinking about what I wanted to be.

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Like I said, I was wishing and thinking about what I wanted to be, but many things would stand in my way.

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I've accomplished a lot of things in my life, so don't get me wrong.

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I believe a lot of the things that I did not accomplish that I really dreamed about doing.

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I think that part of it was because of fear.

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I allowed a lot of the things that I was afraid of to allow me to become the best me during times of my life.

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The other thing was I allowed other people's voices to speak louder than mine in my head and there were a lot of people that made me believe that I wasn't worth it, that I was no good, and maybe even that I had some imposter syndrome going on.

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I'm not really sure, but I didn't really have a great belief in myself, my own value, and I really felt that my life at times was really insignificant.

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I'm not really sure why.

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I've gone through this a great deal when it came to myself, because I was always one of the biggest cheerleaders for other people.

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I really encourage and love and want others to be their best self, but for some reason, when it came to me, I just always, kind of like, didn't do that for me.

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I would talk myself out of it even before I had a chance.

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I have felt myself breaking through barriers lately and that's why I wanted to have this episode.

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I mean really significant, major barriers, ones that I have had my entire life.

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You know, I also spent a great deal of my life helping others fulfill their dreams and I believe in that, but for some reason I would put mine on hold while I did that.

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I'm going to tell you right now that you matter and showing up is going to get you to where you want to be.

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A couple weeks ago and this is just an example I have been saying yes.

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This is my decade of saying yes and I went to 16 states in the last few months.

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I was tired.

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My kids wanted to go to the Shawshank Redemption, the Mansfield Reformatory.

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It was the Shawshank Redemption 30th anniversary, and so they were all about going, and I was like okay, we'll go.

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So, long story short, we're going.

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There's lots of people there, there are celebrities there from the movie, and a lot of people are walking around.

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They have a lot of activities, and I'm going down this one hallway in the reformatory and there's this man sitting there, and I just go past him and I just thought, well, he looks really interesting, he was dressed interesting, he just looked interesting.

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His vibe that he put out there just was like a draw, you know, like his energy, and so I was like, well, he's pretty cool.

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So that was it, though, and I made some kind of a small comment and he made one back Later.

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The entire day goes by.

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We're still there Several hours he's still sitting there.

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He's sitting right there.

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And so I say to him are you like in a movie?

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Were you in the movie or something?

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And he's like no, I've been an extra in other movies before, but not this one.

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And I'm like so you're kind of famous.

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And he's like oh, I don't know, I'm just watching this statue and I looked at it.

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I didn't even notice it.

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It was a beautiful statue of Redden Brooks from Shawshank Redemption Beautiful.

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And I just say to him oh well, I mean, I'm like that's your job to watch this statue.

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And he said, yeah, because I made it.

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And I was like what?

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And then I'm talking to him, I really deeply care about everything that he's saying, and I think he genuinely felt that.

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And he shook my hand a couple of times and I left and he left such an impression on me and I was like man, did I miss that opportunity?

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I really should have just had him on the podcast.

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But again I'm thinking you know who am I?

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He's not going to want to be on my podcast.

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So I come out and I go around the corner and there was a huge banner and it says you could win $25,000 from John Hare's statue and there's a picture of it and everything, and I'm like his name is John Hare.

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Well, he had just shown me all of his works of art I mean like just a ton of works of art and I was like, and I was like he really is who he said he is.

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So I'm on my way home and I'm just like now I have a name.

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His name's John Hare.

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I have this name in my head and I'm just like I can't let this go.

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I just can't let it go.

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And that's another thing I'm going to tell you.

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If you feel like there's an inkling, like there's this thing inside of you, that's just telling you that you need to move on something, you need to do it.

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And I don't know if you want to call it your gut or what you want to call it, but you just need to act on it, your gut or what you want to call it, but you just need to act on it.

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So I emailed him.

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I found his email and I emailed him and I left my number and he called me.

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You know what?

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90% of it is just showing up and the other is acting on it, acting on your gut.

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And so he called, we talked, he shared an amazing story with me, we get off and then the next thing I know he's saying to me you know that he was willing to be on the podcast.

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What?

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Right before that and I'll tell you what led to this there was a lady that we had on recently.

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Her name is Miss Betty Smith.

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I waited a year for me to even ask her.

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I wanted to have her on.

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So many times I'm like again, I'm not going to ask her because I know that she'll say no.

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I asked her and she said, sure, when I mean, it was that easy.

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Just because I showed up and I asked her she was willing to come on, just because I showed up and I saw this man, and I went with my gut and I asked him right then.

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And there you know, it was a couple minutes later because I left and I was like kicking myself and I did email him and I acted on it right away and then we had a great conversation and then he ends up telling me that he had never told anybody that story before and I left that conversation thinking this was not by accident, we were meant to meet, and which led to a week later I'm sitting there, I go to a concert.

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Again, I tell myself to follow my gut.

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I just follow my gut.

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I go to this concert.

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Some of them are friends of mine that are in the band and a couple of them have been on a podcast before.

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I've thought about asking the lead singer many times to be on the podcast and just because I showed up to this concert, I end up in a circle of the bandmates with my daughter.

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We're talking, but next thing I know the conversation led in a way where, as soon as the lead singer enters the conversation with me and some of the other people, they're talking about my podcast and it gives me the chance to say to him I want to have you on the podcast.

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One of the other people from the podcast who had been on said I was on.

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Another one said that he had been on and you know they both have said that they wanted him to be on and it just went from there and he said he would for sure be on.

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This is all.

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Just because I believed I followed my gut, I showed up.

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Now I'm going to tell you something else.

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Now, this was really strange.

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You want to talk about jumping through a bunch of hurdles just to do something.

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But this is the kind of person I am.

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So I put in to go to Hoda Kotb's birthday bash.

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So I get there and we're in New York and the only people up early enough to go to the birthday bash, even though we weren't supposed to be there till 8.15.

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But I am a you know, we're going to do this.

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So I was like no, they start the regular Today Show at 7 o'clock.

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So I'm going to get there super early and I'm going to make this happen.

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So my son, who's 11 years old, is all gung-ho man.

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He wants to go to this thing.

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I had spent three days well, I mean not I mean here and there at different days making this beautiful, big, huge card that can be held up for Hoda to see in case I didn't get close enough or anything of the timeline of her life.

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So because and I'm going to tell you this too because we have so many things in common and she's really touched my soul and that was why I don't do this for everybody this was different.

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So she really means a lot to me.

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So I said to my son we're going to really try to do this.

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So I put in a submission for us to get accepted for the birthday bash.

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Apparently, when we get in line, there's only like 10 people in front of us that's how early we were, even for the Today Show.

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And I said, well, we're here for the birthday bash.

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They said, well, you're too early.

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And I said, well, you know, I want to make sure that we really get a good spot.

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So they escort me like over with my son, over to this one area, and then they say to everybody else there was only a few people in front of me.

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They say to them you know, can we see your email that you got?

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And so they showed and they said, okay, good, good.

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And then I showed them mine and they said this just says submission.

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And I'm like, oh really, I mean, that means that we didn't get approved to go in.

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And they said, yeah, and I'm like, are you kidding me?

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Because I did so much to make this happen?

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And my son and I are holding these cards and they could see how it was pretty devastating at that moment, because we really did do a lot to do this.

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And then she said, well, wait a second, I'll be right back.

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So she leaves, she comes back.

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Hoda Kotb VIP passes, but she also had passes to the Today Show and concert tickets for Little Big Town and Sugar Land and we couldn't have been any closer to any of it.

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I've been there before so I knew kind of where to stand and fortunately that's where we ended up and I knew that other people were going to come in and they were going to push us back or whatever.

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But I made sure that I knew exactly where we were standing, that we continued to stand there.

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Again, I just showed up and it's 6.30 in the morning.

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Now she comes out with Savannah.

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They immediately see my son's card and my card that I just opened up.

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Hoda comes over.

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She's like looking at my card.

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She's starting to really tear up in Savannah and I got all these pictures of them looking at my card and she was very moved and it was very obvious.

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I say to her you know I did work really hard on this and I would really like you to have it and my son gave her his card.

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So you know we had some exchanges.

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We had actually several exchanges during the concert my son got to talk to Little Big Town because we were right there with them and some other interactions.

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Savannah actually kept high-fiving my son and hey, buddy, and it was kind of fun.

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And at the end of the Today Show, hoda actually comes up to me and she says I want your card.

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And I said, oh, okay, you want it now.

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And she said you know what?

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You keep it.

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I'll be back at the very end, which would have been the end of the fourth hour.

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So you know all the concerts going on, all this stuff, more interactions with some of the people that were there At the very end.

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She's up on stage and she makes eye contact with me.

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Even though there's all these people there, she does make eye contact with me and she says I want yours and I threw it up to her.

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I hope she got it, because you know what else I did.

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I taped on the very back of it a little letter from me to her and I said to it it a little letter from me to her, and I said to it on it you know for her to be on my podcast.

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Now, I know that that's you know, but you know what?

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I would have had a zero percent chance if I wouldn't have done that.

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So now I have a 1% chance, but I showed up.

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The other piece to that was this happened at the Today Show and this was actually kind of not good.

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I'm going through security.

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Okay, we have a clear backpack where we take everything Across 16 states.

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We did this and because we know a lot of places, you to have a clear bag and they're pretty strict.

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So we have this clear backpack and I just have snacks and a Switch Nintendo Switch in there for my son to play because I thought he might get bored and it goes through security.

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And they took it and they're like we think we see a small knife and I'm like what?

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I don't even own what.

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I said no, and they're yeah, and then they go in and they pull out a pocket knife.

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What a pocket knife.

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I mean, I didn't even have a clue at that moment how it got in.

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So it really did hit me hard because I'm like, okay, now we're not going to get in.

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But he's like, well, you know what?

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We'll just keep it here.

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You can't have it, you can have it later.

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I'm like, okay, so they take us over to what was the VIP section where we ended up, which was really amazing, like I said, but during that was happening.

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My brain's going oh my gosh, they bring a bomb sniffing dog.

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Maybe they normally do that because of where we were.

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I mean, we were very close to where all the celebrities and you know, hoda, kotb and everybody was going to be.

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So maybe they normally do that.

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I don't know.

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But they brought a dog, a sniffing dog, right up against this whole area where we were.

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But there were a lot of other people there too.

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So maybe not.

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And I was like, oh OK, but I just still at that moment I was so excited about being there.

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It wasn't really dawning on me that maybe it was because they found a knife on me.

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It was because they found a knife on me.

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And then it ended up where they came over and they checked my badges to make sure that I was like legit and I showed them and they go yeah, I mean you can be here, and so still, same thing.

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And then I looked around and one of the security guards was just staring at me and I was just like, oh my gosh, I wonder if they really think that I'm a threat.

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I told this story to somebody else and they said well, you know, you have a knife on you, so you probably could have been thought of as one.

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I'm going to tell you what I was.

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I could have let that control my entire thinking.

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Fortunately my brain wasn't even going there during all the show and everything.

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I was just so into everything.

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And then when we left there, I said to my friend who also tried to get in, but they left an hour after we did.

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They stood in line for a while but they never got into the Today Show or the Bash.

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So see what happens when you show up, show up early, show up prepared, but if I wouldn't have had the knife then that would not have happened, all the rest of the stuff.

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But I didn't let it get to me and that's the thing too.

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Normally I have a negative thing happen in the midst of all these positive things that are going on, like so many other things in my life, and I allow the negative to take over my entire being and I allow that to be the thing that I remember.

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So I do go back to the hotel and I say to my friend and I say to my kids you know, gosh, it was the craziest thing.

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They found a knife in the bag and I honestly don't even know how it got there.

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Well, my friend says to me that it happened because when my brother, my brother passed away this year and we were in Chicago, and when we were there, my son my other son found this knife and we had just been there like a few weeks ago before this, and so he really liked this knife and they threw it in the bag.

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That was it.

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I had no idea it was in there.

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So when I told them that I didn't even own a knife and that it wasn't in there, I wasn't lying, I didn't have a clue.

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You know, I came out of that and I even Googled you know like how many knives are like found at the Today Show?

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Because I was embarrassed.

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I was really embarrassed, just like when I found out some really not so good things about my brother that really hurt me, hurt me deeply.

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I gave myself 24 hours to have a pity party Just with this.

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I allowed myself not 24 hours, but I allowed myself a little bit of time to feel bad about what happened, because I knew my brain needed to process what happened.

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So after I was done processing it, even though it was for a very short period of time, I just let it go and I walked out of there with the most amazing pictures and the most amazing experience and so much exposure for my kids and I was really proud of myself that I had overcome so many fears.

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I walked through New York with my son and I just felt this feeling of accomplishment and I didn't allow all those other things.

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I went back the next day to the Today Show and I explained what happened and they gave me back the knife and they said sorry for the loss of your brother, and that was it.

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I mean, it wasn't even a big deal.

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So see, lots of times when you think that something is a big deal, it might not even be a big deal, so we need to make sure that we're not making more out of it than there is really difficult for me being able to actually say what I mean.

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Lots of times was actually difficult.

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Being able to stay in conversation for a long time was actually very difficult for me, but the one thing that I knew for sure was I always wanted to make a difference.

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All I'd ever wanted to do in my entire life is make a difference in people's lives.

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There's a part two to all of this, and this is very important too, because everything that we are doing is getting us to where we are.

00:22:58.559 --> 00:23:16.595
You know, I'm telling you, even if you think you're going in the wrong direction, even if you think you're going in the wrong direction, you aren't, because this is even the wrong direction that you feel is the wrong direction is leading you to where you are going.

00:23:16.595 --> 00:23:22.310
I've had many forks in the road where I feel that I went down the wrong direction.

00:23:22.310 --> 00:23:31.548
Now, if it's something like addiction or something that's hurting you or somebody else, of course you need to stop.

00:23:31.548 --> 00:23:39.429
Of course you need to stop, but it's never too late to stop and it will lead you to where you were meant to be.

00:23:39.429 --> 00:23:46.061
I allowed and my cat's coming in, so it's really funny.

00:23:46.061 --> 00:23:50.196
Right now he's trying to push the door in so you might hear him.

00:23:50.196 --> 00:23:53.101
But you know I allowed.

00:23:53.101 --> 00:23:56.125
Here he comes.

00:23:56.125 --> 00:24:01.138
He was determined, see, he was determined to get in here.

00:24:01.138 --> 00:24:12.555
He doesn't like to be away from me very often, so he made it work very often.

00:24:12.555 --> 00:24:13.556
So he made it work.

00:24:13.615 --> 00:24:22.022
So you know, I allowed my addictions and my past traumas and my past feelings of loss affect me so deeply that I allowed myself to not grow.

00:24:22.022 --> 00:24:33.632
I stayed stuck there for a very, very long time but weirdly, at the same time, I was growing, if that makes sense.

00:24:33.632 --> 00:24:57.015
I don't know if it does, but even though, when I was stuck, I think I was in that moment for such a long time whichever time and I could pick many different moments in my life, long time, whichever time, and I could pick many different moments in my life but I was able to finally move in place, move past, being just in place when I was ready to blossom.

00:24:57.015 --> 00:24:59.257
It was always meant to be.

00:24:59.257 --> 00:25:01.558
I just have to act.

00:25:01.558 --> 00:25:03.361
You just have to act.

00:25:03.361 --> 00:25:20.438
Every moment in your life, every opportunity, every job, every bad experience is a stepping stone to where you're going.

00:25:20.438 --> 00:25:24.222
Every season I really believe in seasons.

00:25:25.144 --> 00:25:27.686
You know, in college I was just a goof.

00:25:27.686 --> 00:25:42.715
I was a messed up kid that avoided everything and I thought life was just for my enjoyment, but I was also really deeply in pain at the same time.

00:25:42.715 --> 00:25:45.017
I was a mess for a reason.

00:25:45.017 --> 00:25:50.019
I was a mess because I was hiding behind so much pain.

00:25:50.019 --> 00:26:05.069
But I did, even in the midst of all of that, end up with a degree in counseling, with most of my electives being in social work, because that's what I wanted to go into.

00:26:05.630 --> 00:26:23.840
But the social work department didn't accept me because they told me that I was not the caliber of person that they were looking for and they really felt that I they didn't feel that I had what it took to be able to do it.

00:26:23.840 --> 00:26:49.636
When they had somebody come to speak at the social work department years later, years later, way after I had worked in many helping professions, done a lot in the field, they asked me to come and speak and I don't even think that they knew that I didn't graduate in that department.

00:26:49.636 --> 00:26:55.949
But the professors remembered me and they were like, oh, you're really doing amazing.

00:26:55.949 --> 00:26:57.117
Will you come back and speak?

00:26:57.117 --> 00:26:59.683
I thought it was hilarious, really.

00:26:59.683 --> 00:27:03.597
But see, they were the ones that rejected me and told me no.

00:27:03.597 --> 00:27:14.371
But then I ended up coming and speaking for them about success, about what I had done.

00:27:14.515 --> 00:27:32.069
Some of the best ways to prove that you can do something and to prove other people that had said no to you or didn't believe in you is to show up and do your best and show them who you are, that you can do it.

00:27:32.069 --> 00:27:38.747
Prove them wrong every single time, but you don't have to do it in a negative way.

00:27:38.747 --> 00:27:52.382
I came back and I spoke to the current students at that time about my experience as an alumni and about being at that college and it was great.

00:27:52.382 --> 00:27:54.726
I said all great things about them.

00:27:54.726 --> 00:28:04.617
There was nothing that I was going to say that was negative and I just, you know, was honest about some of my addictions and some hard times that I had when I was there.

00:28:05.519 --> 00:28:38.809
But what I had become I ended up taking that and you know, one of my very first jobs was working with abused boys and I also became and I took all that knowledge and then eventually I had other jobs but I ended up being the director of a battered women's shelter and a rape crisis center, which I had had a lot of trauma and I allowed all that trauma and my degrees and my experience to be able to help me when I was there.

00:28:38.809 --> 00:28:51.318
But one of the things that I also, you know, I was still learning and the director director, the person over the whole entire program I was just the director over at Battered Women's Shelter.

00:28:51.318 --> 00:28:56.336
She wanted me to speak at the board and I just said no.

00:28:56.336 --> 00:29:00.124
I mean I panicked because I was so afraid of intimacy.

00:29:00.124 --> 00:29:02.087
I was not good with intimacy.

00:29:02.087 --> 00:29:03.698
That's my autism or whatever.

00:29:03.698 --> 00:29:16.397
You know, I was just so afraid still and I was into doing all this stuff for the women who had been raped and the hurt children and the women that had been battered, and that was my purpose for being there.

00:29:16.397 --> 00:29:30.008
But to stand up in front of everybody at a board meeting and to be able to talk about myself was just too intimate and it was hard, and so I actually did call off that day to me and it was hard and so I actually did call off that day.

00:29:30.008 --> 00:29:31.349
I'm not that person anymore.

00:29:31.349 --> 00:29:42.479
I had not developed the skills yet to be able to get up there and speak, but now I do it whenever I'm asked.

00:29:42.499 --> 00:29:58.385
I also started working in the jail system and I met some of the most precious women I'd ever met in my life and I still, to this day, will never forget them and I genuinely love them.

00:29:58.385 --> 00:30:07.464
They were the most broken, hurting women, most authentic, and they had nothing to lose and they were real.

00:30:07.464 --> 00:30:14.140
And that's what I like Israel, all these experiences.

00:30:14.140 --> 00:30:21.134
I wrote this book called the Sinful Woman and my heart and soul went into that book.

00:30:21.134 --> 00:30:38.238
Again, I really didn't think much would come out of that book, but I wrote it and I get a phone call from a newspaper who wanted me to go into journalism and I never really.

00:30:38.238 --> 00:30:44.489
I mean, back when I was in college, my first classes were in communications and I wanted to be go that route.

00:30:44.489 --> 00:30:46.321
I wanted to be in broadcasting.

00:30:46.321 --> 00:30:51.480
When I got that phone call I was just like, wow, that's really cool.

00:30:51.480 --> 00:30:53.325
Did I think I could do it?

00:30:53.325 --> 00:30:55.229
No, I didn't.

00:30:55.229 --> 00:30:57.497
But the editor was amazing.

00:30:57.497 --> 00:30:59.118
She hired me.

00:30:59.118 --> 00:31:04.164
It was a stepping stone for going in the direction that I am in now.

00:31:05.346 --> 00:31:07.407
I showed up again.

00:31:07.407 --> 00:31:19.085
I got this amazing job telling stories for eight wonderful years about other people's lives, many of them deeply hurting.

00:31:19.085 --> 00:31:20.847
I mean deeply hurting.

00:31:20.847 --> 00:31:30.549
I was called to the front line of many devastating stories and people allowed me to come into their homes.

00:31:30.549 --> 00:31:37.746
They allowed me to help them, write about them, tell the world about them.

00:31:37.746 --> 00:31:50.250
I won awards for some of the articles because what you would call now viral back then in the newspaper print world.

00:31:50.250 --> 00:31:52.363
That's kind of what happened.

00:31:52.363 --> 00:32:03.542
It was a little different back then, but people found out about it and the homeowners association would find out about it and then they would make this.

00:32:03.542 --> 00:32:19.880
You know, they would build a house for a family that needed it, or people would find out and they would get a van for somebody who needed a wheelchair van or I mean whatever the need was.

00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:27.209
People's needs were being filled by these articles and it was such a blessing.

00:32:27.209 --> 00:32:36.104
So my state recognized what I was doing and I did win some awards and it was really amazing.

00:32:36.104 --> 00:32:42.845
But it was not about the awards, of course it was about and some of the people that I had helped actually was.

00:32:42.845 --> 00:32:48.727
They were on stage with me when I got one of the awards and that's what it really was all about.

00:32:49.335 --> 00:33:16.563
The thing of it was was, you know, I always wanted to be a writer and I wanted to be in broadcasting, like I said, and that's when my life, my two lives of helping people and writing, really started to collide, really started to collide the job of helping people and being able to write it and tell people stories and help people at the same time.

00:33:16.563 --> 00:33:23.200
I mean that was just a brain for me, because that's what I always wanted to do.

00:33:23.200 --> 00:33:25.784
I didn't even know that that's what I wanted to do.

00:33:25.784 --> 00:33:27.105
Isn't that crazy?

00:33:27.105 --> 00:33:33.079
I had no idea that that's exactly what I wanted to do, but it was.

00:33:33.079 --> 00:33:35.484
It like woke me up inside.

00:33:36.306 --> 00:33:46.961
I ended up covering hard news and murder trials, which I then ended up meeting my friend, tina, who was on the podcast with me Real Talk with Tina and she was a journalist.

00:33:46.961 --> 00:34:03.577
And Talk with Tina and Anne, she was a journalist and that's how we met on a murder trial and you know, we just really hit it off and we helped each other through so much during that difficult time and it was very difficult, but our friendship was immediate.

00:34:03.577 --> 00:34:12.802
As you can tell, when we talk on Real Talk with Tina and Ann, we just have this chemistry that works for the two of us.

00:34:12.802 --> 00:34:16.048
We just became the best of friends.

00:34:16.048 --> 00:34:29.927
I also got to cover meth houses and there's some stories with that too, but one of the best things that came out of that was I ended up getting a column for this for the newspaper.

00:34:29.927 --> 00:34:39.835
I got my own column called Against All Odds, and that was when I was really able to help the most people and write about people's needs.

00:34:39.835 --> 00:34:43.922
I cannot tell you how many people's houses allowed me.

00:34:43.922 --> 00:34:55.204
They allowed me in and they would talk about the most difficult things with me and allow me to tell their stories Again.

00:34:56.106 --> 00:35:05.268
It was just because I showed up, I ended up adopting and my life went in some directions that I really wasn't expecting.

00:35:05.268 --> 00:35:18.942
But one of the things that happened was I got really involved with this camp for kids with cancer and it was a camp and I became a photographer there through my stories.

00:35:18.942 --> 00:35:27.668
I went there and I took, you know, I covered this camp and I ended up getting to know the people really really well.

00:35:27.668 --> 00:35:28.369
So I ended up getting to know the people really really well.

00:35:28.369 --> 00:35:42.891
So I ended up being a photographer there, which also led to a friendship of you know, one of my best friends in the entire world that now currently is like another mom to my kids.

00:35:42.891 --> 00:35:45.079
See what I mean.

00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:51.318
I mean just because you show up and it goes in completely different directions and you never thought it would go.

00:35:51.318 --> 00:36:07.057
But while I was at this camp for kids with cancer which, by the way again, is an amazing camp while I was there, this woman who was volunteering we were on a golf cart together never met.

00:36:07.057 --> 00:36:31.003
She starts talking about this school for kids with autism I'm autistic, anyway so she starts telling me about this and before I know it, long story short, I end up doing a newspaper article about for them and then I end up working there.

00:36:31.003 --> 00:36:36.204
I end up working there for several years I believe it was eight years that I worked there.

00:36:36.204 --> 00:36:39.405
It made me a better person.

00:36:39.405 --> 00:36:41.235
It made me a stronger person.

00:36:41.235 --> 00:36:47.760
It was definitely 100% a stepping stone to where I am today.

00:36:48.382 --> 00:36:57.510
I ended up adapting my grandkids and again it stopped my life and it took me in a direction that I never thought it would.

00:36:57.510 --> 00:37:07.039
It's pulled me from being able to do some of the things that I've wanted to do, because they came first.

00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:13.467
They were two months, 18 months and barely four.

00:37:13.467 --> 00:37:17.340
He wasn't even four yet and he was very.

00:37:17.340 --> 00:37:18.581
He was nonverbal.

00:37:18.581 --> 00:37:27.023
A lot of disabilities, a lot of problems all three of them and my life went on hold for a while, and sometimes that happens too.

00:37:27.023 --> 00:37:41.789
Sometimes your life has to go on hold and I think that those are times where you're transitioning and you're learning about yourself and you're learning about other people and you're taking it with you for the next season.

00:37:41.789 --> 00:37:47.681
Whatever that stepping stone, wherever it's leading you, but it is leading you somewhere.

00:37:47.681 --> 00:37:51.304
It's not the end.

00:37:51.304 --> 00:38:06.106
So even those points in your life where you feel like wait a second, okay, my life is on hold again, or you get another no, or whatever it is, those are not times to really stop your life.

00:38:06.106 --> 00:38:09.610
It's just times to soak it in and figure out what's next.

00:38:09.610 --> 00:38:25.289
But during that time obviously because they're still young I figured out another way to be able to help people and tell stories at the same time.

00:38:26.956 --> 00:38:41.847
Back in the day, when I was doing journalism, podcasting wasn't a thing, but what an amazing thing that you can take people's lives and you can help people just by talking into a microphone.

00:38:41.847 --> 00:38:47.387
You know, I just keep showing up, I keep dreaming.

00:38:47.387 --> 00:38:48.222
I haven't given up.

00:38:48.222 --> 00:38:48.547
I'm dreaming.

00:38:48.547 --> 00:38:48.974
I haven't given up.

00:38:48.974 --> 00:39:04.387
I'm not young like I used to be, but in so many ways I'm more alive than I ever was and I'm still hoping and dreaming and making plans and wanting to become my best self.

00:39:04.387 --> 00:39:09.463
I don't think that I've even reached my best self yet.

00:39:09.463 --> 00:39:10.788
I'm still learning.

00:39:11.295 --> 00:39:20.688
I just interviewed an 84-year-old woman last week for the podcast and she told me she's learning every single day.

00:39:20.688 --> 00:39:27.925
She surrounds herself with people who know more than her and she's just constantly a sponge.

00:39:27.925 --> 00:39:29.856
And isn't that what it's about?

00:39:29.856 --> 00:39:31.159
Isn't that what life is about?

00:39:31.159 --> 00:39:43.961
Isn't what we're supposed to do is just, you know, soak up everybody's energy that's positive around us, by the way and be able to learn everything that they know and take that with us and be able to use it.

00:39:43.961 --> 00:39:50.297
You know the other part of that is able to use it.

00:39:50.317 --> 00:39:53.543
You know the other part of that is when I had Miss Betty on what would have happened if she would have said no.

00:39:53.543 --> 00:39:54.344
She said sure, yeah, when.

00:39:54.344 --> 00:39:57.335
But what if she would have said no?

00:39:57.335 --> 00:40:02.385
What if John Hare, who's going to be on soon, who was the sculptor?

00:40:02.385 --> 00:40:03.856
What if he would have said no?

00:40:03.856 --> 00:40:09.628
What if the lead singer to that band that I asked would he be on the podcast?

00:40:09.628 --> 00:40:10.896
And he said sure, right away?

00:40:10.896 --> 00:40:12.539
What if he would have said no?

00:40:12.539 --> 00:40:14.862
What if they would have said no?

00:40:17.585 --> 00:40:19.487
Well, I found a book.

00:40:19.487 --> 00:40:26.072
It's called A Thousand No's A Thousand No's.

00:40:26.072 --> 00:40:41.583
Yeah, I got it for 50% off, but it's by DJ Horkin, probably by C-O-R-C-H-I-N, illustrated by Dan Dougherty.

00:40:41.583 --> 00:40:44.793
So I just want to read it.

00:40:44.793 --> 00:40:50.010
I don't have to show you all the pictures, because it's actually really cool.

00:40:50.010 --> 00:40:55.514
Okay, so on the front of it it just has no all over it.

00:40:55.514 --> 00:40:57.809
What if these people would have said no to me?

00:40:57.809 --> 00:41:04.373
I've had a million no's in my life, but this had a million no's in my life, but this is a thousand no's.

00:41:05.065 --> 00:41:09.172
She had a great idea, or at least she thought she did.

00:41:09.172 --> 00:41:10.516
How many have been there?

00:41:10.516 --> 00:41:11.365
I mean no.

00:41:11.365 --> 00:41:15.532
That's when she got her first no.

00:41:15.532 --> 00:41:24.815
Somebody said no, it was heavy, it was hard to carry and it kind of hurt.

00:41:24.815 --> 00:41:27.106
It's just one no.

00:41:27.106 --> 00:41:31.775
She thought Surely I can handle only one no.

00:41:31.775 --> 00:41:36.168
No, it just says no, surely I can handle a no.

00:41:37.369 --> 00:41:41.434
Then she got a second no.

00:41:41.434 --> 00:41:42.936
She got a second no.

00:41:42.936 --> 00:41:48.835
This no was heavier than the last and it was harder to carry and it hurt even more.

00:41:48.835 --> 00:41:53.876
She tried to stop them, but the no's got inside her idea.

00:41:53.876 --> 00:41:56.726
You know what?

00:41:56.726 --> 00:42:00.394
That's what happens normally with me.

00:42:00.394 --> 00:42:18.626
Whenever the negative happens, I allow it to take over and sometimes I even let the dream go, because I got the nose or the knife was in the bag or my dad passed away when I was doing really well in swimming, those kinds of things.

00:42:18.626 --> 00:42:23.378
She tried to stop them, but the no's got inside her idea.

00:42:23.378 --> 00:42:28.371
Her idea got bigger Enough, she thought.

00:42:28.371 --> 00:42:32.856
Then another no, the no.

00:42:32.856 --> 00:42:34.960
Here it's getting bigger.

00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:38.148
The no's just start coming all over the place.

00:42:38.148 --> 00:42:41.054
Another no and another no.

00:42:41.054 --> 00:42:49.373
Not only did her idea get heavier, but it got poked and twisted and it started to change shape.

00:42:49.373 --> 00:42:52.204
You know why it started to change shape.

00:42:52.204 --> 00:42:55.208
She's still holding on to that idea.

00:42:55.208 --> 00:43:04.021
She's allowing those no's to kind of change her original, but still not let go of it.

00:43:04.485 --> 00:43:08.996
Her idea got so big it was clear that she needed help.

00:43:08.996 --> 00:43:12.773
Here is a page of no's.

00:43:12.773 --> 00:43:19.195
She wasn't sure how she felt about someone else helping with her idea.

00:43:19.195 --> 00:43:23.094
After all, it was her idea.

00:43:23.094 --> 00:43:26.833
But this called for drastic measures.

00:43:26.833 --> 00:43:28.967
You know I've been in lots of.

00:43:28.967 --> 00:43:35.039
I was an assistant director for a school with kids with autism.

00:43:35.039 --> 00:43:38.976
I've been an assistant coach, which led to being a head coach.

00:43:38.976 --> 00:43:54.206
I've been a co-podcaster with my friend Tina and I'll tell you what having more than one, having two people do something, makes it a lot better.

00:43:54.206 --> 00:43:59.335
She wasn't even sure how she felt about someone else helping with her idea.

00:43:59.335 --> 00:44:01.237
After all, it was her idea.

00:44:01.237 --> 00:44:13.626
But this called for drastic measures, really drastic measures.

00:44:13.646 --> 00:44:14.367
No after no after no came.

00:44:14.367 --> 00:44:16.190
Some of them made her idea challenging.

00:44:16.190 --> 00:44:19.675
Some of them made it easier.

00:44:19.675 --> 00:44:24.621
Some split it into pieces.

00:44:24.621 --> 00:44:31.838
So her dream, her idea, it's split but it's starting to take a different shape.

00:44:31.838 --> 00:44:34.672
There were just so many no's.

00:44:34.672 --> 00:44:36.532
She needed more and more help.

00:44:36.532 --> 00:44:39.253
She needed more and more people to help.

00:44:39.766 --> 00:44:41.871
But soon something interesting happened.

00:44:41.871 --> 00:44:46.454
She began to get curious about what her idea might end up looking like.

00:44:46.454 --> 00:44:54.273
In fact, it became fun for everyone to add more no's and see how her idea would change and grow.

00:44:54.273 --> 00:45:02.115
I mean, look, you know I love children's books, I gravitate to children's books.

00:45:02.115 --> 00:45:06.996
I get more out of children's books lots of times than I do with a lot of words.

00:45:06.996 --> 00:45:14.644
So no number 997, no number 998, no number 999.

00:45:14.644 --> 00:45:17.590
And on the thousandth no.

00:45:17.590 --> 00:45:21.018
She looked up and she saw her great idea.

00:45:21.018 --> 00:45:25.306
That's a lot of no's.

00:45:25.306 --> 00:45:27.170
It didn't look anything like it did before.

00:45:27.170 --> 00:45:30.777
Her idea had changed that much because of all the no's.

00:45:30.777 --> 00:45:41.541
But she was okay with that no because now she got a yes and look at how colorful it is and everything.

00:45:41.541 --> 00:45:44.152
So I mean that's what really cool.

00:45:45.125 --> 00:45:54.132
But you know what, if all those people would have said to me, said no to me, I would have kept going.

00:45:54.132 --> 00:46:02.353
And I know that because I've had so many no's in my life, I've had so many ideas that have changed.

00:46:02.353 --> 00:46:28.074
Like I said, I never pictured my life behind a microphone doing it like this with Tina or with another guest, or with John Hare or with Miss Betty or with any of the other guests that we've had, and I am on the right of my life If they would have said no, I would just have found another way.

00:46:28.074 --> 00:46:31.574
You know, no doesn't always mean no.

00:46:31.574 --> 00:46:37.572
It means not at this time, it means not this particular way.

00:46:37.572 --> 00:46:39.550
This way doesn't work.

00:46:39.550 --> 00:46:42.391
But it doesn't mean no.

00:46:42.391 --> 00:46:53.518
No, you can always shapeshift it, just like Thomas Edison and the light bulb 10,000 ways.

00:46:53.518 --> 00:46:54.119
It didn't work.

00:46:54.119 --> 00:46:56.266
Finally he found the way that it worked.

00:46:56.965 --> 00:46:59.148
I'm not talking about pestering anyone either.

00:46:59.148 --> 00:47:02.469
I'm talking about different ways to reach your dream.

00:47:02.469 --> 00:47:13.817
If you feel it in your gut, like I said earlier, to do something, do it, act on it, show up.

00:47:13.817 --> 00:47:20.041
Miss Betty, and it was just the right time.

00:47:20.041 --> 00:47:30.326
You know Hoda, which I just talked about, who I just talked about.

00:47:30.326 --> 00:47:31.628
She has a saying that says right on time.

00:47:31.628 --> 00:47:33.452
You know, when I asked a man at the reformatory, it was the right time.

00:47:33.452 --> 00:47:36.920
When I asked Miss Betty, it was the right time.

00:47:36.920 --> 00:47:45.519
When I asked Mikey Silas, who is in that band, the lead singer, it was right on time.

00:47:47.226 --> 00:47:52.335
When I was at other times in my life, it wasn't the right time.

00:47:52.335 --> 00:48:00.114
I wasn't seasoned enough, I wasn't chiseled enough, I wasn't that person that was ready for that moment in time.

00:48:00.114 --> 00:48:01.335
And you know what?

00:48:01.335 --> 00:48:02.778
That's okay.

00:48:02.778 --> 00:48:14.211
At the moment I felt like it was just devastating at different times in my life to get that no or that shape shift and I thought I took it personally.

00:48:14.211 --> 00:48:20.971
But now, at this stage in my life, it's fine, because I wasn't ready.

00:48:20.971 --> 00:48:30.458
I was either too immature, or I had too much trauma I still needed to deal with, or I had too much loss, or I just didn't even have all the skills yet.

00:48:30.458 --> 00:48:32.829
I didn't have the skills yet.

00:48:32.829 --> 00:48:41.856
I was still young, I was still getting here, and that's fine because, like I said, we're all on this journey to get here.

00:48:41.856 --> 00:48:50.920
It might not be that exact moment, right when you think it should be, but it will happen when it's right on time.

00:48:51.385 --> 00:48:54.976
And I don't want to steal her quote, but it is true.

00:48:54.976 --> 00:49:03.510
Have you ever felt a really strong connection with someone and you thought, oh wow, I mean, that was really weird.

00:49:03.510 --> 00:49:05.331
I really do believe that.

00:49:05.331 --> 00:49:25.306
I think that people's energies are either we attract or we don't, and I've had quite a few people that that has happened to me and I really love people's positive energy and I can pick up on it right away.

00:49:25.306 --> 00:49:32.650
When somebody is standing in front of you, they're on this journey with you and it's not a mistake that they're standing across from you.

00:49:32.650 --> 00:49:38.891
It could be a positive reason or a negative reason, but they're still taking you on this journey.

00:49:38.891 --> 00:49:45.092
For whatever they're supposed to be, whatever role they're supposed to be, they still have played their part.

00:49:45.092 --> 00:49:46.876
And what are you going to get out of it?

00:49:47.625 --> 00:49:56.280
Even if somebody was the absolute negative for me and I've had some they've taught me a lot.

00:49:56.280 --> 00:50:00.175
I took those lessons and it made me more of who I am.

00:50:00.175 --> 00:50:12.751
Some of the hardest relationships helped me to realize my strengths and helped me to push on or realize things about myself or make me develop skills that I needed.

00:50:12.751 --> 00:50:22.458
To be stronger and better at Every moment in my life is getting me one step closer to my dream.

00:50:22.458 --> 00:50:27.876
You just need to show up and step up to that next step.

00:50:27.876 --> 00:50:30.291
Don't be afraid.

00:50:30.291 --> 00:50:45.420
Allow no's to be no's at that moment and figure out how to reach that dream and shape that dream that you have until it finally comes to fruition.

00:50:45.420 --> 00:50:46.782
Believe in yourself.

00:50:46.782 --> 00:50:49.434
That is the most important thing.

00:50:49.434 --> 00:50:55.057
But honestly, if you don't show up, none of it's going to happen anyway.

00:50:55.057 --> 00:51:00.336
So you have to show up, all right.

00:51:00.336 --> 00:51:03.994
That's all for this episode.

00:51:03.994 --> 00:51:08.376
I know it was long, but it was right on time.

00:51:08.376 --> 00:51:16.170
Quote goes to hold a copy, all right, and I'm putting it out there.

00:51:16.170 --> 00:51:17.916
Maybe she'll be on.

00:51:17.916 --> 00:51:21.746
Before I go I want to share a story there.

00:51:21.847 --> 00:51:24.987
Once was a girl who was told she would not graduate high school.

00:51:24.987 --> 00:51:27.393
There was a girl who really did not speak.

00:51:27.393 --> 00:51:29.806
Very often she had a hard time reading.

00:51:29.806 --> 00:51:34.898
She had a hard time seeing because her eyes did not work together, converging.

00:51:34.898 --> 00:51:37.050
She had a very hard time comprehending what she read.

00:51:37.050 --> 00:51:38.373
She had a hard time retaining what she read.

00:51:38.373 --> 00:51:40.420
She was not able to see objects correctly and was not able to draw what she read.

00:51:40.420 --> 00:51:41.344
She had a hard time retaining what she read.

00:51:41.344 --> 00:51:45.132
She was not able to see objects correctly and was not able to draw what she saw.

00:51:45.132 --> 00:51:48.646
Both sides of her brain did not work together.

00:51:48.646 --> 00:51:50.670
They worked separately.

00:51:50.670 --> 00:51:56.068
She had a hard time understanding directions and what she was supposed to do.

00:51:56.068 --> 00:51:58.878
She did not hear all the words that people said.

00:51:58.878 --> 00:52:04.695
She oftentimes had a short memory problem and couldn't even remember what she was told to do a minute later.

00:52:05.364 --> 00:52:07.931
She had many strikes against her but she did not give up.

00:52:07.931 --> 00:52:09.597
She kept reading.

00:52:09.597 --> 00:52:12.472
She kept trying to learn differently.

00:52:12.472 --> 00:52:17.172
She learned that if she read into a tape recorder she could learn differently.

00:52:17.172 --> 00:52:19.610
She wrote what she heard.

00:52:19.610 --> 00:52:24.295
She soaked in what she heard and she rewrote it.

00:52:24.295 --> 00:52:29.936
She would study hours and hours to understand what it would take her peers to learn in an hour.

00:52:29.936 --> 00:52:37.416
This girl was also bad at math and didn't even understand basic math and concepts.

00:52:37.416 --> 00:52:44.527
Well into her education it really appeared that she was different and she knew it.

00:52:44.527 --> 00:52:47.211
She didn't understand why she was different.

00:52:47.211 --> 00:52:48.635
She felt ashamed.

00:52:49.476 --> 00:52:56.818
This girl, this same girl, got a master's degree in saying this now, right now to you.

00:52:56.818 --> 00:53:04.295
This same girl was able to raise five kids and I have five grandkids.

00:53:04.295 --> 00:53:10.012
The same girl has developed many friends along the way.

00:53:10.012 --> 00:53:17.831
The same girl who was afraid to speak in front of others loves to speak and tell her story to help others.

00:53:17.831 --> 00:53:26.637
The same girl who was afraid to tell others how she felt is telling her story weekly to help others.

00:53:26.637 --> 00:53:32.753
The same girl who came from trauma helps others who have experienced trauma.

00:53:32.753 --> 00:53:35.231
She is a message of hope.

00:53:35.231 --> 00:53:39.675
She is proof that anyone can grow and become who they want to be.

00:53:40.385 --> 00:53:47.378
She didn't let others' definitions become who she was, but she made her own definitions and forged a path of success.

00:53:47.378 --> 00:53:55.398
Everyone's definition of success is different, but it is your definition of success that matters.

00:53:55.398 --> 00:53:57.027
You can make it.

00:53:57.027 --> 00:53:58.168
You can do it.

00:53:58.168 --> 00:54:00.193
You can become whoever you want to be.

00:54:00.193 --> 00:54:05.791
Don't give up, even if you get told no, there are many forks in the road.

00:54:05.791 --> 00:54:10.208
Find another path that will take you to who you are supposed to be.

00:54:10.829 --> 00:54:13.418
Shapeshift your ideas to create the idea.

00:54:13.418 --> 00:54:21.456
Shapeshift your ideas to create the ideas that were meant to be formed, the ideas that were meant to be implemented.

00:54:21.456 --> 00:54:23.338
You can do it.

00:54:23.338 --> 00:54:24.967
I believe in you.

00:54:24.967 --> 00:54:29.675
Remember, showing up is just 90% of it.

00:54:29.675 --> 00:54:31.938
The rest will just fall into place.

00:54:31.938 --> 00:54:45.786
But the other part of it is you have to be willing to shapeshift yourself, to shapeshift yourself.

00:54:45.786 --> 00:54:49.753
Shapeshift what you need to in order to fit into what is expected and what is needed at that time or for that position.

00:54:49.773 --> 00:54:58.467
Or, you know, some of us with autism want the world to shapeshift for us, and we've always had to.

00:54:58.467 --> 00:55:19.163
We've always had to shapeshift for others, because the world doesn't do that very well for autistic individuals or anybody with disabilities, because the world is trained that we people with autism have to shapeshift for them.

00:55:19.163 --> 00:55:28.914
We have to fit in, we have to figure out how to fit in, and so you know, when I was raised, that's how it definitely was.

00:55:28.914 --> 00:55:33.268
Disabilities were really just not even thought of.

00:55:33.268 --> 00:55:39.007
People didn't really understand anything about disabilities back then, but now it is different.

00:55:39.007 --> 00:55:40.853
People are a lot more educated.

00:55:40.853 --> 00:56:22.637
But where they fall short is and I can say this from a mom's perspective is that they really do create all these helps and all these things for the person with disabilities to acclimate themselves into a world that's different, where I think that they wouldn't have to work as hard at that if they really really really helped those and taught those that are neurotypical how to accept those and help those that aren't.

00:56:23.699 --> 00:56:28.976
I say it all the time there needs to be a class in school that teaches this.

00:56:28.976 --> 00:56:42.579
There needs to be a class in schools that allows kids to neurotypicals to be best friends with somebody who has disabilities.

00:56:42.579 --> 00:56:46.768
Learn their differences, learn that they have more in common than they don't.

00:56:46.768 --> 00:57:07.713
How to shapeshift themselves in order to welcome people who are different into their world, help them be able to understand their world, help them to be able to understand the school and how to shapeshift our lives in order to fit.

00:57:07.713 --> 00:57:29.452
And we work very hard.

00:57:29.452 --> 00:57:32.038
We run marathons every single day.

00:57:32.038 --> 00:57:42.119
So kudos to everybody with disabilities out there that's trying to run in a neurotypical world because it is exhausting and you know.

00:57:42.119 --> 00:57:50.916
Kudos to all of you who are doing that, because you are an amazing individual for trying to keep up.

00:57:51.637 --> 00:57:54.487
Do you know what people with disabilities also do?

00:57:54.487 --> 00:57:56.530
They keep showing up.

00:57:56.530 --> 00:57:58.652
They keep showing up.

00:57:58.652 --> 00:58:04.440
They are the most responsible people that you could hire.

00:58:04.440 --> 00:58:06.067
They're going to be on time.

00:58:06.067 --> 00:58:07.811
They're going to work really hard.

00:58:07.811 --> 00:58:11.266
They're always going to do the job the way that they're asked.

00:58:11.266 --> 00:58:22.759
They might not understand and they have to be coached, but when they get there, they get there and they're going to do their absolute best to understand it and to do their best job for you.

00:58:22.759 --> 00:58:25.853
So they will keep showing up.

00:58:26.625 --> 00:58:35.731
So, those in a neurotypical world do whatever you can to come closer to those who are a little different and try to understand them and help bring them into your world a little bit better.

00:58:35.731 --> 00:58:40.112
And try to understand them and help bring them into your world a little bit better.

00:58:40.112 --> 00:58:49.119
All right, I just really wanted to say that before I went, because if we're going to show up, we all need to show up together and we all need to help each other.

00:58:49.119 --> 00:59:09.471
All right, thank you for watching, listening, real Talk with Tina and Anne and we will see you next time.

00:59:09.471 --> 00:59:12.204
World changers aren't pleasing everybody, they're just not.

00:59:12.204 --> 00:59:25.088
Thank you.