Giving our Mental Health a Fresh Start

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Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne.

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I am Tina.

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And I am Anne.

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You know, at the beginning of every year we all make resolutions and it is like walk every day, lose 20 pounds, and it's very task-oriented and sometimes, just because it is a task, something we don't want to do, we really have a hard time doing it past one month, but if we just do some key things, it actually will lead to the same results without us even realizing that it's a task.

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That would be really something, huh.

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Yeah it would.

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I fall into that category.

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I get so excited and yeah, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this, and I do it for a while.

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It's like I'm good for three or four weeks and then I fall off some way somehow.

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And getting back up is the biggest struggle.

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And I know it's supposed to be simple just start, but that can be so hard.

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I don't understand why, but I do feel like we talked about this book before.

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It is James Clear.

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The book is Atomic Habits and he talks a lot about this very thing.

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You know we all have things that we need to change.

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You know, when we go into the year, we make a kind of like this self-analysis and we go, yeah, I need to change this, I need to do this.

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And you know we all do so.

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I think going into any new year or any new day actually, that we can genuinely say we need to change something that will make us a better person.

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My eight-year-old just the other day said that he has goals that he has set for himself and I won't share them because some of them are personal, you know, for him.

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But it was really cute how he said it.

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He sounded like a little man and I said, well, I don't know of these goals, will you share them with me?

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And so he did and I thought these are really good goals.

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So the next step after that is everyone I think probably knows is you have to do the next step.

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You know the next first step, so we'll see if we can get there and how long it lasts.

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Well, we do have a list and I actually really love these and you know, they really are the kind of it's the kind of list that you don't even realize you're doing it, if you just allow yourself to try to be your best.

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Well, I think that something that's really important for all of us is putting self-care, our own selves, at the top of the list, because if we can't help ourselves, we are not able to help others.

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It's that whole analogy of if you're on a plane and you need to put your gas mask, don't do that.

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If you need to put your oxygen mask on first.

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You know they say, put it on first because you have to help yourself before you can help someone else.

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I can tell you that I am entering a season of feeling just completely overwhelmed and shutting down, and I don't.

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I think part of it is just because of the holiday season being here, but part of it is just you know some of the hard parts of life that happened to so many of us.

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And don't worry, if it hasn't happened to you yet, it will.

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That's what a wise woman has.

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My counselor has always said to me if you, if it hasn't happened to you yet, don't worry, it will.

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Hard times you've got to exclude, but I think that the very first thing is you Self-care is not selfish.

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And going along those lines, I got to read something that I found earlier today, actually from Morgan Harper Nichols, and there are a couple of things that she said.

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So one of the things is she says you are worthy of the same kind words and consideration that you would give to others.

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I think that's pretty powerful.

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Yeah, you know, I often wonder why I talk to myself and we've actually talked about this on the podcast before but I've actually wondered why I've talked to myself so much, worse than I would allow anybody else to talk to myself, or I would be like, wait a second, they just said.

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But you know, sometimes I find myself talking like that to myself.

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But I love this because you know so many times, especially as a mom and you know what this is like, tina, that we put ourselves last and I just did a podcast with someone and all this stuff was happening to her.

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It was really awful stuff and someone asked her how it affected her and she hadn't even thought about it.

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I mean, she had thought about everybody else, but not how it affected her.

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And we often make sure everybody else is okay and then we think, wait, am I okay?

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And most of the time I don't even think I asked that question.

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I think it's a good one to ask, and I'll tell you where this really applies, at least personally and in lots of interviews that I have done throughout my career, lots of interviews that I have done throughout my career and it would be in the addiction arena.

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So, when I was growing up, my brother now I'm older than my brother, but he is an addict and he was a recovering addict at one point, but he is again an addict and when I still lived at home, nobody ever thought how it impacted me, and it wasn't until that's so interesting, yeah, nobody.

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And even when I brought it to the attention of my parents, you know, maybe a year, two years, I can't even remember the timeframe but sometime later they were like wow, I never even thought about that because they were so consumed with the addict, and so there were so many layers that I, as a sibling, dealt with.

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I mean, I basically didn't have my mom and dad for a whole year.

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Now, granted, I was older and, you know, in my early 20s, but you still want your family around, you know.

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Everybody that's involved.

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When somebody is in, you know the thick of addiction.

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Everybody's sick Right and it is a family disease.

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It is.

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Yeah, but I think some families don't realize that, and so that's what I wanted to say is that's the?

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When you said that, that is, what I thought about was yes, I've been there where I was like, am I okay?

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No, I'm not okay, but nobody else could see that I wasn't okay.

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Yeah, that's an interesting one.

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I wanted to go back to the Morgan Harper Nichols.

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Some of the quotes that I've read from her, because she talks about these are what she calls her things to remember this December, and this was another powerful one for me.

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And it said being yourself should never have to mean being by yourself, and you are free to take small shifts toward discovering what supportive spaces could look like in a way that leads to meaningful connection.

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I think that's a good self-care one too.

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It is because you're being intentional, you know I love that's a good self-care one too.

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It is because you're being intentional, you know, I love that.

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And basically to me, it speaks to my heart If someone is making you uncomfortable and disturbing your peace, you don't have to be around that Don't Find your people.

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It's so true we need our tribe, which then goes into.

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I love how she also said the progress you have already made, no matter how small, are integral parts of your growth.

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That deserves a big amen, I think.

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And she ends it up with.

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She ends with give yourself permission to add your own health and well-being to the list of things you care about.

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We absolutely should care about us, because people depend on and love us and same we reciprocate that, and so we really do matter.

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That's why it's even first on our list, because we need to take care of us first, because if we don't, and we need to know when to weed people out, when not to let people in, and that's really important because people can be life-sucking and if we go into things and we've had our life sucked out of us, you know we're never our best self, so, and we'll know, we will absolutely know when we feel drained and when somebody is doing that, contributing to that.

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Yeah, pay attention to how you feel around people, yes, and how you make other people feel.

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I mean, in being all fair, I mean, yeah, that's good, but why no?

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just kidding.

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Yeah, well, at the end of the day, what does it really matter?

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It doesn't matter.

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They could leave whatever Just kidding, I mean, that's a valid point too.

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Yeah, but I mean it does go both ways.

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I mean you're absolutely right, we do need to be very conscientious about how we make other people feel and we need to be intentional about it.

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When you think about the new year, what else are you thinking of?

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Well, I think that we need to be, or we could be, the person that you respect.

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And I just absolutely love this one, because if you go to sleep every day knowing that you reflect who you want to reflect, then that's awesome.

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But I know that there are things that we face and can say, geez, I really shouldn't have done that, or I really shouldn't have said that, or maybe I should have reached out to this person, or maybe I shouldn't have said that swear word or whatever you know.

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I mean, we really need to look at ourselves and say are we really reflecting who we are and be the person that we would respect?

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You know, just kind of a funny thing, but it goes with what you're saying is I read something recently that it was kind of like, I guess, a dig at someone if they were not being very kind to you and you could say well, I hope that you get the same treatment that you give to others, or I hope that you're treated the same way you treat others.

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But it's true, it's true.

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If you're giving that out, would you want to be on the receiving end?

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I don't think so.

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Yeah.

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I have this mind.

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That normally goes to being a smart you know what, and so I.

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But what I think and what I say are completely different things.

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Right, I am thinking a lot, I'm saying, oh you know, and being really sweet about it a lot of times.

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So I mean, but it's only because I really do want to reflect who I really am.

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And that comes down to that one you had said in a podcast recently about yeah, I would treat you the way that you're treating me, but it's not in my character.

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Right, yeah, Because we want to reflect who we really are.

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Right and we don't want other people to change us.

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We're going to come across crappy people and yeah, I think so many of us have but no, you're not going to change who I am just because of who you are, and I think that's actually one of the most important things to remember, that it's so important to know that usually I would say the overwhelming majority of the time the way that someone treats you is a reflection of them, not you.

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Absolutely 100%.

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Or you and I were talking before we came on and I shared a story with you, and sometimes somebody really might just be having a bad day and it's just in the moment, right, and sometimes just being kind back.

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You know, and I have learned this so many times and this has been a really good lesson to me to wait it out, sure, before you do anything or say anything.

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Wait it out, because most of the time, things will resolve themselves just because of time, and maybe it was just a moment in time, but if there's a pattern, then you have to look at that also.

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Yeah, I think that's important too.

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Yeah, I can't remember the quote I had read too.

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It was along those lines and it did talk about be mindful of people's actions.

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Basically, if they're repetitive, you know that's showing their character.

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But then someone actually made a good point about that, like, what if you broke your arm, for example, and you had to do things differently because it wasn't healed yet, and they were referring to?

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Well, what if someone has experienced, just say, trauma, who hasn't gotten help yet for it?

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They were treated differently, and I liked that perspective shift.

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However, it doesn't change the fact that I don't think that's a free pass to be an awful person and be rude.

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I mean, we all have, you know, instances where that's happened.

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We've had bad days.

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I don't call them bad days, I call them bad moments of the day or hard moments.

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But I think that the first step is realizing, then that you have a problem and you need to get that help for it.

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And if you don't think you have a problem, therefore you're not going to get help.

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I think that's even worse, because you continue to treat people like crap and you think it's okay, but it's not.

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You know, it's not an excuse.

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Right, yeah, I just recently you know my kids are very real people and so we have those conversations too, and I don't want to give them a pass just because they have autism or because they have trauma in their life.

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And I can remember you know this was a really long time ago, but one of I don't even want to say that somebody I know she used her adoption as a reason for being bad at school and the principal called the parent and said yeah, she's saying that the reason why she's making these bad choices is because she was adopted, and it was just like no, we can't use those reasons as to why that we are making bad choices Because, as we know, things happen and it's up to us to decide how we're going to handle it.

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Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.

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Who wants to be a victim anyway?

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I don't you know none of us should want to be a victim.

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We need to rise above.

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Yeah, I love that.

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Yes, and I have to.

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We always have to do self-reflection, and so when we're talking about beginnings, I mean this is a perfect time to do that and to start working on some of these things.

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And being honest with ourselves is also something that I think that we need to do, and that can be hard, but you also have to give yourself grace in the process.

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So don't be so hard on yourself, because really, what is happening here is that we are all growing.

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Yeah, it's.

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You know I think I've said it before grace in space.

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You have said that.

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Yeah, it's important to remember that too, and I absolutely love self-reflection.

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I just asked a friend recently, you know, what is it that you love about me or not?

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And you know she had her answers and it was great.

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I don't mind that kind of thing because I'm always trying to be introspective and I want to be the best version of myself and I want to teach that to my children and generations to come.

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But not everybody is that way, and so it does make it a little bit tricky when you know that you're trying to get to be the best version of yourself.

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But I feel like I've learned some of the hard people or just kind of the awful people in my life who have kind of come and thankfully gone.

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I feel like I'm really grateful for them too, because they have taught me something very, very valuable.

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They've taught me to be stronger.

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They've taught me to know, help me set better boundaries.

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They have taught me to really just be thankful for what is real, what is in front of me, what matters the most.

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So it's really put things into a better perspective and at the end of the day, I don't want any of those people in my life.

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Anyway, I don't have to be unkind.

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And in Tupac's words I love this.

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Read something that he said.

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I just thought that is it.

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Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

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He said just because you've lost me as a friend doesn't mean you've gained me as an enemy.

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I want to see you eat, just not at my table.

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And I thought that's me.

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There are a lot of people that I don't want you to eat at my table.

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But I wish you well.

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I hope you still eat.

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I hope you find your way and get better and become a better person, but I don't want you at my table.

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Yeah, yeah, isn't that good?

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I thought that was so good.

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I think that I'm going to write that down, I think so that's really good I could.

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It's something to live by as a pass on.

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It's okay to say that.

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Yeah, it is.

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You know, I think we can always be kind Sure and yes, are we going to mess up?

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Yes, Can we apologize?

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Yes, does that always make it all better.

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No, but here's the bottom line is we don't all have to sit at the same table.

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Okay, if you have a toxic group of people, no offense, I'm not inviting you over to my table.

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You sit there.

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I hope you eat well, that's fine, but you have some learning and growing to do and you need to just stay over there.

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You're not coming to my table, and I think that's okay.

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If it disturbs your peace, let it go.

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You know, whenever we do these podcasts, I always leave with something, and I think that that's one of the big things I'm going to leave with you know.

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I love that.

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It's been ruminating, you know, it's really helping me through Instead of being so angry with people who have wronged you.

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Yeah, I think if we just have that perspective, listen, you go sit over there and eat, and I hope you do, just don't come over here, and it's kind of like a boundaries thing, and I really like it.

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Well, I know, one of the other things that I think is next important is being the creator of who you want to be is next important is being the creator of who you want to be.

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Yeah, I mean, that is so true and I absolutely love that one.

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I have, like, this vision board and I have things on it that I know that I really want to do, and you know, you're never too old to become your best self, to work on yourself, to write your own story, and we did a podcast this year on writing your own script or being the director of your play, and we talked about choosing what train car that we wanted to ride in, and, yeah, it was awesome.

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We had a really great response from that.

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But you know, that is about choice and we are the writers of who we want to be every single day of our lives.

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And I think, too, that we often say you know, I'm 20 or 30 or 40, whatever, and we have so much time, but in reality, we have today and what are we going to do with it?

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How do we want to represent?

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What do we want to accomplish?

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Who do we want to be in control of our lives?

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Who do we want to be at our table?

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Who do we want to include?

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You know, at the end of the day, where do we want to be, and it doesn't have to be task-oriented at all.

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It is just simple questions to ourselves that will help us to get there, without even realizing that that's what we're doing.

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And when you talk about growth, I know that that can trigger some people who are stagnant, and so being authentic can trigger people who are wearing masks.

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And so I just wanted to add don't let anyone's comfort zone hinder your growth and authenticity.

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Be uniquely you, as long as the you is a good version.

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I'm not saying go out and be an awful person.

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I'm just saying don't let other people's in other words, perhaps maybe jealousy of you make you into less.

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Growth is important and everyone grows at their own pace, and I've shared this before, I believe, on air, but I have told one of our children for a while now that people are going to love you and people are going to hate you for your talent.

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Let my voice and your dad's voice be the loudest voices that you hear, because we love you the most and we have your best interest at heart.

00:21:06.167 --> 00:21:20.017
That is why and it's been such a it's really come into play this year, and I think you know our son really understands it and I hate to have to say it, but that is the truth of the world.

00:21:20.017 --> 00:21:25.048
I mean it really is, especially, you know, in various arenas.

00:21:25.048 --> 00:21:27.682
It could be sports, it could be how smart somebody is.

00:21:27.682 --> 00:21:29.366
You know it could be with their job.

00:21:29.366 --> 00:21:45.666
You just, I think, if you have that mindset, in other words, listen to the people who you're closest to and who know and love you best, yeah, and also let your own voice be louder than theirs Absolutely, that's yeah great point to add Absolutely.

00:21:46.954 --> 00:21:50.486
Yeah, and we have the choice to be the one that's in control.

00:21:50.486 --> 00:21:56.104
Here's one how about speak with purpose every day?

00:21:56.104 --> 00:22:01.681
You know that doesn't mean that we can't be goofing around and have a good time like we were a little bit ago.

00:22:01.681 --> 00:22:04.576
But, you know, be intentional in our speech to others.

00:22:04.576 --> 00:22:08.733
Make sure that what we're saying represents who we are, like I said earlier.

00:22:08.733 --> 00:22:09.760
But also make sure that if someone needs kindness, that that's what we do.

00:22:09.760 --> 00:22:13.359
That's what we're saying represents who we are, like I said earlier, but also make sure that if someone needs kindness, that that's what we do, that's what we give.

00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:18.683
Make sure that, if we need to have that conversation with someone, that we're very intentional about it.

00:22:18.683 --> 00:22:25.307
Make sure our words really do represent who we are in the conversations that we need to have throughout the day.

00:22:26.575 --> 00:22:28.477
I think that's so important too.

00:22:28.477 --> 00:22:31.318
Yeah, I love that.

00:22:31.318 --> 00:22:32.660
Speak with purpose.

00:22:32.660 --> 00:22:37.722
The words we say do matter, because it's not true, sticks and stones break your bones.

00:22:37.923 --> 00:22:41.105
Sure, words do hurt, they really can hurt.

00:22:41.105 --> 00:22:44.167
They have the power to breathe life or take it away.

00:22:44.167 --> 00:22:47.029
They truly do, and so that's why I love.

00:22:47.029 --> 00:22:57.519
I mean, I guess I'm full of quotes today, but the movie Wonder, my favorite quote from there, given the choice between being right and being kind, always choose kind, because it is a choice.

00:22:57.519 --> 00:23:06.787
You know you can be happy and sad at the same time, and then I hope that the you know, you kind of move past the sadness and you move toward happiness.

00:23:06.787 --> 00:23:08.519
It's, it really is a choice.

00:23:08.618 --> 00:23:25.196
You know, today, today, I was at a candy place with my youngest son and I was taking him to experience this place for the first time, where you get your own little box of candy, you just handpick it, and the lady behind the counter was just really, really grumpy.

00:23:25.196 --> 00:23:26.880
I happen to know that she's older and is the owner.

00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:34.871
I happen to know that she's older and is the owner, and so I just gave extra smiles and extra oh, it's okay.

00:23:34.871 --> 00:23:42.390
She actually forgot part of what I ordered and I had to go back 20 minutes later and go get it.

00:23:42.390 --> 00:23:54.804
Once I noticed it and that was okay and I feel like, maybe because I was so kind to her that when I came back the second time she actually then seemed like a total different person, very, very kind.

00:23:54.804 --> 00:24:03.660
Who knows, maybe she was hangry, maybe she I don't know what it was but something about I was like nope, nothing is going to ruin this first experience for my son and I.

00:24:04.521 --> 00:24:31.145
So I am just going to keep smiling like this and, oh, I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood you know just one of those things, but I do think that you can be kind, and I actually think that's really one of the true tests of humility is when you are asked to be kind to someone who hasn't been kind to you or to serve someone who hasn't been kind to you.

00:24:31.145 --> 00:24:32.636
I've had to do that.

00:24:32.636 --> 00:24:38.048
I know how hard that is, and sometimes I'm like nope, not doing that.

00:24:38.048 --> 00:24:39.699
Did you see how they treated me?

00:24:39.699 --> 00:24:41.122
Are you kidding me right now?

00:24:41.122 --> 00:24:50.261
And it's like fine, that's what you want me to do, and I have done it because that is my heart, and so that's.

00:24:50.261 --> 00:24:57.910
I guess that was a long way of saying yes, speak with purpose, because it really does have the power to breathe life.

00:24:58.770 --> 00:25:02.696
Yeah, you know well, you can fight with kindness.

00:25:02.696 --> 00:25:04.357
I guess too.

00:25:04.357 --> 00:25:17.126
I can remember when I had bullies in school and my mom had told me the best way to fight people who are trying to be unkind to you is just, you know, be kind back.

00:25:17.126 --> 00:25:29.876
And they just don't even know what to do with it sometimes because they realize, wait a second, I mean you're supposed to be unkind back, and so then it's going to be this back and forth.

00:25:29.876 --> 00:25:40.924
But if we just go in with kindness and intent then and choose our words very carefully, then we get a different result loud and I think it shuts down a variety of people.

00:25:41.105 --> 00:25:45.127
I think it shuts down the narcissists.

00:25:45.127 --> 00:26:00.076
I think it can shut down the bullies.

00:26:00.076 --> 00:26:08.561
I think just nothing, saying absolutely nothing, is another huge piece of self-care, is another huge piece of growth, is another huge piece of speaking with purpose, because silence speaks so loudly.

00:26:08.561 --> 00:26:10.426
That's my opinion.

00:26:11.296 --> 00:26:14.645
No, I do that, I've done it, and it's really hard.

00:26:14.645 --> 00:26:16.883
I'm learning, it is really hard but it works.

00:26:16.883 --> 00:26:25.778
It does work and if you wait it out and trust the process which is what I always say it really does.

00:26:25.778 --> 00:26:29.487
When you get on the other side of it and it's like, wow, I mean, that worked.

00:26:30.414 --> 00:26:33.786
Yeah, absolutely, and I think you feel more empowered and stronger.

00:26:34.134 --> 00:26:34.997
Oh, absolutely.

00:26:34.997 --> 00:26:38.866
You get more accomplished with less words.

00:26:39.654 --> 00:26:42.141
Yeah, it's true, it absolutely is true.

00:26:42.141 --> 00:26:44.547
Plus, you're not giving someone what they want.

00:26:44.547 --> 00:26:49.987
You know the other person typically wants a fight in a fight, and so you just shut it down.

00:26:49.987 --> 00:26:51.320
They're like, well, crap.

00:26:52.234 --> 00:26:55.304
It's also giving them your more time, more energy.

00:26:56.066 --> 00:26:59.163
Yeah, listen, your peace is worth protecting.

00:26:59.163 --> 00:27:01.680
I'll say it a hundred times, it really truly is.

00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:03.762
You don't have to engage with that.

00:27:03.762 --> 00:27:06.964
You can walk away and you're the bigger person by doing so.

00:27:06.964 --> 00:27:16.666
Well, as we're talking about I'll preach it as we're talking about feelings, I think we shouldn't be our feelings.

00:27:16.666 --> 00:27:24.416
However, I struggle with this one, I know, even though I know feelings are indicators, not dictators.

00:27:24.416 --> 00:27:27.566
I am a big feeler.

00:27:27.566 --> 00:27:29.615
That is how I am hardwired.

00:27:29.615 --> 00:27:45.007
I don't know how to separate that, because when I feel so strongly about something, I don't know how to not act on that.

00:27:45.007 --> 00:28:01.695
Some of those feelings are valid and need to be acted upon, and some of them are not, and I need to wait it out and trust the process and remember what I know to be true.

00:28:01.715 --> 00:28:07.459
Yeah, that's a hard one for me too, because they're so enmeshed, I mean, and sometimes it really is.

00:28:07.459 --> 00:28:16.383
Is this how I'm feeling, or is this a fact, or is this what I really should do, or is my feelings just telling me that this is what I should do?

00:28:16.383 --> 00:28:26.768
So, yeah, I mean, I have this all the time, but I'm getting, I'm pretty good at it, but I still really mess up a lot.

00:28:26.768 --> 00:28:28.588
I think we do all the time.

00:28:28.588 --> 00:28:36.372
You know, if I listen to my feelings, for one thing it would be a lie, and I've had to intentionally ignore that.

00:28:36.372 --> 00:28:38.173
I'm scared and do it anyway.

00:28:38.173 --> 00:28:47.201
And I've had to ignore how someone has made me feel and do what I need to do anyway.

00:28:47.201 --> 00:28:50.652
And I've had to put my feelings aside many times to accomplish the things that mean the most to me.

00:28:50.652 --> 00:28:57.531
My feelings aside many times to accomplish the things that mean the most to me, and for some reason, our feelings just want to stand in the way of our success.

00:28:57.551 --> 00:28:59.698
Unfortunately, that's so good.

00:28:59.698 --> 00:29:08.949
You know, I've been thinking a lot this week about I think it goes with this about accepting an apology I do deserve and I'll never get.

00:29:08.949 --> 00:29:16.450
About accepting an apology I do deserve and I'll never get.

00:29:16.450 --> 00:29:32.930
And it's so interesting to me how I don't even know how to really word it how I've been able to forgive a family member in my life for something long, long, long, long, long ago that this person will never apologize for, and I've just accepted that and moved past it and, you know, got help from the experience.

00:29:33.755 --> 00:29:39.448
But some of the things that are more fresh right now are a lot harder to do that with.

00:29:39.448 --> 00:29:48.388
In other words, I haven't been able to do that yet, and so I'm hoping to be able to get to that point because I don't want to keep looking backwards.

00:29:48.388 --> 00:29:49.343
I'm not going that way, you know.

00:29:49.343 --> 00:29:50.417
I want to want to keep looking backwards.

00:29:50.417 --> 00:29:50.621
I'm not going that way, you know.

00:29:50.621 --> 00:29:52.703
I want to be able to move forward.

00:29:52.703 --> 00:29:56.109
And so I'm like, why do these feelings keep coming up?

00:29:56.109 --> 00:29:59.101
I mean, I'm happy that these people are out of my life.

00:29:59.101 --> 00:30:17.089
I just I think that it's never easy to know that you've been backstabbed or blindsided, that I would never do that to someone, and so that kind of snake-like behavior, as I refer to it, really bothers me.

00:30:17.089 --> 00:30:25.423
So you know, yeah, really trying to work through those feelings and iron them out and figure out okay, why am I still thinking about this?

00:30:25.423 --> 00:30:29.721
If I don't even want these people in my life, how do I heal from it then?

00:30:29.721 --> 00:30:32.876
So yeah, this one is so tricky for me.

00:30:34.920 --> 00:30:53.760
Yeah, even as old as I am, you know, it is hard sometimes to be able to separate those things, and even recently I've allowed my feelings to dictate my actions and I get mad at myself that I do that.

00:30:53.760 --> 00:30:56.883
So I know it's difficult.

00:30:57.563 --> 00:31:00.124
Well, I let my feelings get to me today.

00:31:00.124 --> 00:31:07.028
When I went to that candy store I was like, yes, I need to eat five of these, two of these I had to try.

00:31:07.028 --> 00:31:08.828
You know, I had to sample what I got.

00:31:08.828 --> 00:31:10.549
And then of course I'm like dang it.

00:31:10.549 --> 00:31:25.875
I've been working really hard at monitoring my sugar intake and of course I go and tempt myself by going to this candy shop I was like, what are you doing?

00:31:35.015 --> 00:31:35.536
And I've been really good.

00:31:35.536 --> 00:31:37.361
I have cut sugar pretty much out and I'm just I don't even want it anymore.

00:31:37.361 --> 00:31:39.787
So I mean, I'm proud of myself about that, I'm proud of you too.

00:31:39.787 --> 00:31:48.403
So on healthyplacecom they say you are what you decide you are at any given moment, not how you feel, not how you were raised.

00:31:48.403 --> 00:31:57.163
Those are defaults, like the defaults on a word processor, and you can be overridden at any time by conscious decision.

00:31:57.163 --> 00:32:11.445
On some days your defaults may be perfectly good because the circumstances and your feelings line up to make you act exactly as you wish, but the rest of the time you'll have to take over the controls.

00:32:12.567 --> 00:32:18.124
I just love this because I never really thought about those being defaults.

00:32:18.124 --> 00:32:29.936
You know, and I understand that so well, because factory reset, like most of the time, I don't want to go back to factory reset on my phone, on any of my devices or anything.

00:32:29.936 --> 00:32:30.615
Sometimes you have to and you have no other choice.

00:32:30.615 --> 00:32:31.224
Want to go back to factory reset on my phone, on any of my devices or anything.

00:32:31.224 --> 00:32:40.501
Sometimes you have to and you have no other choice but to go back to factory default in order to start from the beginning and maybe work on some things from the beginning.

00:32:40.501 --> 00:32:42.934
But I thought that that was so cool.

00:32:42.934 --> 00:32:49.345
It was like a really good visual to me and I want to be the one that's taking over the controls.

00:32:50.507 --> 00:32:52.630
It makes me think of the movie Inside Out.

00:32:52.630 --> 00:32:59.881
That's what I think of when you're talking about this.

00:32:59.881 --> 00:33:06.904
That's all I can think of is that movie and how the happy balls come down and then the sad ones and that's stored in internal memory.

00:33:06.904 --> 00:33:08.457
And then sadness.

00:33:08.457 --> 00:33:12.164
In Inside Out 1, I think it was her.

00:33:12.164 --> 00:33:22.722
She takes everything away and it resets and it makes a completely different memory, for I can't think of her name in the movie for the young girl.

00:33:22.762 --> 00:33:35.961
But that's such a good example of words to describe that movie for me and that's something that I need to process because I've never thought about it like that either.

00:33:35.961 --> 00:33:44.579
But here's what I would say, maybe like I don't know if it's a caveat per se, I do think how you act speaks volumes consistently.

00:33:44.579 --> 00:33:50.106
How you act speaks volumes consistently.

00:33:50.106 --> 00:33:53.830
Of course, room for errors, because none of us are perfect.

00:33:53.830 --> 00:34:09.443
But if you told yourself I'm kind, but you are unkind on the daily, well, that doesn't make you kind because you think you are or you want to be.

00:34:09.443 --> 00:34:13.516
You actually have to take steps to be who you tell yourself that you are, and I believe it's a process.

00:34:14.699 --> 00:34:28.880
I've actually been a little hard on my son right now because he's into this thing now where he does things intentionally not nice and just says sorry, oh, but I said sorry, right.

00:34:28.900 --> 00:34:31.405
But it wasn't.

00:34:31.445 --> 00:34:41.467
He'll say but mama, I really am sorry and I'm like I'm sorry, buddy, but your actions are gonna speak a lot louder than that sorry.

00:34:41.467 --> 00:34:45.278
So we'll see, and you need to stop doing it.

00:34:45.278 --> 00:34:48.864
If you really are sorry, then you really will stop.

00:34:50.427 --> 00:34:51.429
That is the key.

00:34:51.429 --> 00:34:55.402
That's when you know if someone really means that they are sorry.

00:34:55.402 --> 00:34:57.567
Is its behavior transformation?

00:34:57.567 --> 00:35:02.905
Yes, you can't do the same thing 20 times and say you're sorry every time.

00:35:02.905 --> 00:35:03.726
I don't buy it.

00:35:03.726 --> 00:35:07.184
You have to do something different.

00:35:07.514 --> 00:35:08.840
And I want him to learn that.

00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:17.248
Sure, I mean, he really does think right now in his life that if he says sorry, that it's erased, Right.

00:35:17.574 --> 00:35:23.780
That's just a step towards like reconciliation, but it's not the be all, end all, and that's what I tell my kids too.

00:35:23.780 --> 00:35:26.103
I say you can say you're sorry.

00:35:26.103 --> 00:35:29.385
It's up to the other person that they want to forgive you or not, and I hope that they do.

00:35:29.385 --> 00:35:34.835
But that's just one step.

00:35:34.835 --> 00:35:36.518
The next step is you do it different the next time it comes around, right, no?

00:35:36.518 --> 00:35:45.916
So if you're pushing your brother over or you know you're beating up your little brother and you say, oh, I'm sorry because you got caught, and your little brother gets hurt, that's it.

00:35:45.916 --> 00:35:46.677
That's it Got caught.

00:35:46.677 --> 00:35:46.998
You know that's.

00:35:46.998 --> 00:35:54.182
You can't keep doing that and saying you're sorry because you're not, because you're not learning from that, you're not growing from that.

00:35:54.182 --> 00:35:57.637
You have to have growth and change In order for an apology.

00:35:57.637 --> 00:36:02.467
I feel like to be a worthwhile one, a sincere one.

00:36:03.228 --> 00:36:05.760
Right, and that goes all the way into adulthood?

00:36:05.760 --> 00:36:12.043
Yes, it does, because I know people that you know they're mean, I'm sorry, they're mean, I'm sorry.

00:36:12.574 --> 00:36:21.021
So no, and that's when we can choose, that we don't have to accept somebody's apology if we know for sure that it's not sincere.

00:36:21.021 --> 00:36:24.248
Absolutely, absolutely.

00:36:24.248 --> 00:36:25.657
This is one of my favorites.

00:36:25.657 --> 00:36:27.141
Don't give up.

00:36:27.141 --> 00:36:37.585
And you know, I just got to read a book from a woman who had domestic abuse in her past and she's actually going to be on the podcast soon.

00:36:37.585 --> 00:36:44.847
But this is a quote and I'm telling you what this hit me so hard and I want to read this every single day.

00:36:44.847 --> 00:36:46.436
I think I'm going to hang it up in my house.

00:36:46.436 --> 00:36:48.581
Pain is temporary.

00:36:48.581 --> 00:36:57.864
Our percentage of making it through tough days is 100%, so we're going to be able to make it to the next time.

00:36:59.405 --> 00:37:16.829
Yes, I've always, always, always, I should say in the last decade of my life, I've told myself pain is temporary, you know we were not guaranteed that we were going to feel no pain physical, mental, emotional, spiritual in this lifetime here.

00:37:17.311 --> 00:37:25.329
But even when I was giving birth to my children, I had them all by C-section and I can tell you that each one was more painful.

00:37:25.329 --> 00:37:26.157
I don't know why.

00:37:26.157 --> 00:37:33.219
I'm told it's kind of how it goes and I wouldn't take any narcotics for it because of family history of addiction.

00:37:33.219 --> 00:37:42.206
And I just remember telling myself over and over and over, as I'm writhing and crying in absolute agony, that pain is temporary.

00:37:42.206 --> 00:37:47.447
And so, yes, did it take me a couple of extra days to heal than it would have someone who took the narcotics?

00:37:47.447 --> 00:37:48.737
Yeah, it didn't.

00:37:48.737 --> 00:37:51.085
They told me that, but I did it.

00:37:51.085 --> 00:37:55.210
I knew it was temporary and I knew that I made it the day before.

00:37:55.210 --> 00:37:58.380
So I'm going to make it today because I knew each day it was going to get better.

00:37:58.380 --> 00:38:00.425
So, yes, absolutely love it.

00:38:01.266 --> 00:38:01.867
Love that quote.

00:38:01.867 --> 00:38:08.759
You know, on the other side of that, with a C-section, I had a hysterectomy when I was 30 years old.

00:38:08.759 --> 00:38:10.623
That's young.

00:38:10.623 --> 00:38:19.409
Yes, you know my personality, tina, when they tell me that I need to rest that's, yeah, what's happening.

00:38:19.449 --> 00:38:21.235
right, it's not happening.

00:38:21.235 --> 00:38:48.931
So the the I mean there are times in our life and this is a good one to know when we need to rest, because and listen to that I got up, I got home, I had friends come visit me there were like three of them and they wanted to go on a walk without me and I was like I'm going, the fear of missing out kicked in.

00:38:49.784 --> 00:38:55.777
I was we walked for a while around the block and all this stuff.

00:38:55.777 --> 00:39:11.416
And the next day and the next day I had just come home from a hysterectomy which back then was just like a C-section and you know you're cut from the belly down and wow.

00:39:11.416 --> 00:39:16.356
But anyway, that's one for me that I need to know.

00:39:16.356 --> 00:39:19.715
Your body's telling you that you need to rest.

00:39:19.715 --> 00:39:29.655
So, because I'm not really good at that, the other day I was so busy into everything and somebody said to me and I said, yeah, I got this and this and this and this.

00:39:29.655 --> 00:39:32.153
And they said, well, if you didn't have that, what would you do?

00:39:32.153 --> 00:39:35.032
I'd be like oh, yeah mm-hmm.

00:39:35.985 --> 00:39:39.291
Yeah, maybe I'd still fill my day up with things that I needed to do.

00:39:40.766 --> 00:39:42.070
Yeah, that's true.

00:39:42.070 --> 00:39:43.153
That is true.

00:39:43.153 --> 00:39:45.507
I am really trying to make rest a priority for me.

00:39:45.507 --> 00:39:47.268
I am really trying to make rest a priority for me.

00:39:47.268 --> 00:40:05.925
I'm really listening to my body, especially because I don't know where I read this from, but myself and some of my friends are entering perimenopause and it's kind of messing with our bodies and maybe our minds even a little bit.

00:40:05.925 --> 00:40:09.896
And so also I do take anxiety medication.

00:40:09.896 --> 00:40:21.177
I've been on it for the last year and it's been great, but sometimes it also just I'm just tired, just plain tired, and I've just read a little bit about that, how it can make you.

00:40:21.177 --> 00:40:32.157
All of those combinations of things can make you feel more tired, and sometimes you just simply need more rest, and so I've been trying to do that and not feeling guilty about it.

00:40:32.277 --> 00:40:35.269
You know, sometimes I just need it, I can't really help it.

00:40:35.744 --> 00:40:47.246
Everything on this list are things that we just could do, and probably should do, for ourselves and not feel guilty about it, because they're all for us, absolutely, and we're just a better person.

00:40:47.246 --> 00:41:18.670
You know, one of the things that I want to do is not look further than what is right in front of me, because, you know, being present, yes, and the problem sometimes, or whatever it is that I or we want to accomplish, you know, many times we want to look at it as the bigger picture, and many times I've done that in my life and it comes across too hard to tackle and I have to break it down and make it so I can see it to achieve it.

00:41:18.670 --> 00:41:22.657
You know, see it to achieve it, which, by the way, I made up.

00:41:22.657 --> 00:41:52.769
That's a good one, I know, but it's true, if you can't see how to get there, that you're so overwhelmed, and so I'll break it down until it just is like the step in front of me, just the very next one, and then the next one, and I do that, and then I figure out what I have to do and it will normally write itself, and I think that that's such a good lesson that it will normally write itself.

00:41:53.090 --> 00:42:00.076
So we don't have to look at the bigger picture because if we break it down, it truly will write itself.

00:42:00.076 --> 00:42:07.192
But I can tell you, if that you are looking at the entire thing, it's too overwhelming and you probably won't get anything done.

00:42:07.192 --> 00:42:11.460
Plus, when you are doing life, it is done in steps anyway.

00:42:11.460 --> 00:42:17.715
We never achieve anything that large or anything in life basically in its entirety.

00:42:17.715 --> 00:42:19.358
That's a great point.

00:42:19.358 --> 00:42:30.275
Yeah, I mean looking at everything as a stepping stone and you realize that it's just a step to the very next thing that we have to do anyway on our journey.

00:42:31.704 --> 00:42:33.188
That's a lot to take in right there.

00:42:33.188 --> 00:42:35.414
That was great, ann.

00:42:35.414 --> 00:42:37.947
Geez, we could put that whole thing on a quote magnet.

00:42:37.947 --> 00:42:39.990
I don't know that it would fit, but we could.

00:42:39.990 --> 00:42:47.469
So good, I don't think I've ever thought about it quite like that.

00:42:47.469 --> 00:42:54.025
You know, you read the different things that say just one step at a time, next step we talked about that earlier in the podcast.

00:42:54.025 --> 00:43:06.840
But when you sit down and think about how life is done in steps, yeah, or stages, you know however you want to call it Seasons, yeah, everything.

00:43:06.840 --> 00:43:11.047
I just feel like how you put it together makes perfect sense, yeah, yeah.

00:43:11.688 --> 00:43:25.398
I think that that really helps and you know, and it's really good to have a vision board and that's one thing that could be task oriented a little bit, but for you to be able to see what you want to do and break it down in steps actually really does help.

00:43:25.398 --> 00:43:34.454
You know, if I need help, I'm going to ask for help more often and Tina, I know you know me really well and I don't ask for help.

00:43:34.454 --> 00:43:43.139
I don't know how to ask for help, so I'm going to intentionally try to ask for help more often this year.

00:43:44.605 --> 00:43:50.331
Well, I think that's such a great goal, I think that's so good, and this is another one where I struggle too.

00:43:50.331 --> 00:43:58.601
I don't often ask for help, like the day I showed up at your door just a complete, absolute sobbing mess, and really is how we reconnected, I would say.

00:43:59.445 --> 00:44:06.175
We were doing the podcast and everything up till then, but we were still connected.

00:44:06.315 --> 00:44:08.860
But maybe at a deeper level.

00:44:08.860 --> 00:44:10.650
That's what I mean.

00:44:10.650 --> 00:44:20.920
But you know that if I'm showing up or I'm asking for help, that it's something that is really serious for me, that I'm really, really struggling with.

00:44:20.920 --> 00:44:27.476
But it shouldn't always take to get to the struggle point, the breaking point, to ask for that kind of help.

00:44:27.476 --> 00:44:30.947
You know, point the breaking point.

00:44:30.947 --> 00:44:35.742
To ask for that kind of help, you know, because I would want to give that to anybody who's you know in my close circle, or you know any neighbor, any.

00:44:35.742 --> 00:44:45.751
You know I'm ready and willing to help however I can, and so I find it interesting that I feel that way, but yet it's hard for me to reach out and ask for help.

00:44:45.751 --> 00:44:47.074
I don't know what.

00:44:47.074 --> 00:44:50.588
I think it makes me feel like I'm weak, but I don't really feel that way.

00:44:50.588 --> 00:44:53.757
So I don't really know why it's so hard to ask for that.

00:44:54.545 --> 00:45:02.009
My tolerance for taking on everything, all the pain, everything of the day, whatever it is, is so high.

00:45:03.152 --> 00:45:05.197
Yeah, maybe you're right, maybe that is what it is.

00:45:06.525 --> 00:45:10.096
Yeah, I think and I learned that as a little kid.

00:45:10.096 --> 00:45:33.838
So I think and I think that you did too, I think people that oftentimes have gone through different traumas whatever it is, you know, it's relative to everybody that it in some ways can teach you to allow yourself to continue to take things on, in some ways can teach you to allow yourself to continue to take things on, and I mean it's not necessarily a bad thing, but in some respects it can be.

00:45:34.539 --> 00:45:35.440
Right, right.

00:45:35.440 --> 00:45:41.384
I mean I think we should all learn how to ask for help, because at some point in our lives we're all going to need it.

00:45:41.384 --> 00:45:45.605
Yeah Well, the next one that you're ready to talk about is one of my favorites.

00:45:45.605 --> 00:45:47.351
I am a lifelong this.

00:45:48.425 --> 00:45:49.829
Learner yes, learn.

00:45:49.829 --> 00:45:53.273
Go into each day trying to learn something.

00:45:53.273 --> 00:45:55.521
Work your mind, stretch yourself.

00:45:55.521 --> 00:46:00.213
You know I'm currently homeschooling my son and I'm having a blast with him.

00:46:00.213 --> 00:46:10.199
I am so glad that we're doing this and he is so smart and no matter what comes up if we don't know it, if I can't answer his question, he's like look it up, look it up.

00:46:10.199 --> 00:46:14.612
So I am just loving learning with him.

00:46:15.675 --> 00:46:16.478
I love that too.

00:46:16.478 --> 00:46:20.655
You know, I feel like we're going to get a lot of people balking at this.

00:46:20.655 --> 00:46:23.793
I love relearning math from my oldest son.

00:46:23.793 --> 00:46:26.487
Oh, geez, yes, oh, I love, love, love it.

00:46:26.487 --> 00:46:34.536
I mean, I don't particularly love geometry by any stretch, but I love that it's something that you know he cares so much about and I can go through it.

00:46:34.536 --> 00:46:37.239
So I am a lifelong learner.

00:46:37.378 --> 00:47:03.414
My personality is the type five investigator to just around the holidays during my childhood and how difficult I made certain traditions for my parents because I was so inquisitive and I just wanted to know the whys and the answers and I wanted to investigate and just kind of dig deeper.

00:47:03.554 --> 00:47:07.012
So this has always been me I love, love, love, love learning.

00:47:07.092 --> 00:47:29.072
I remember my grandpa, before he passed, said that I would have been a great lawyer, or I would be a great, not maybe not a lawyer, but a paralegal, the person that really helps the lawyer Maybe that's not even what they're called, I don't even know but the person who really helps get all of the meat and potatoes for the lawyer ready, you know, does all the research and all of that type of thing, or a detective.

00:47:29.132 --> 00:47:47.690
I feel like I'd be a good detective, but I don't want to have to do part of the job of you know, knocking on the door and saying, I'm sorry to say, you know that type of thing, but I love, love, love learning, even if it's just random stuff or something worthwhile, or how to do a home project or how to create something you know like.

00:47:47.690 --> 00:48:08.038
Today I saw something on a craft site and I was like I totally want to make this and my neighbor gave me some craft material to be able to do it and I was able to do it even better than I think the photo, because I used all of the parts to this candy cane project to make.

00:48:08.085 --> 00:48:12.172
I was making a Grinch hand and I thought it turned out great.

00:48:12.172 --> 00:48:22.914
I just I used everything and I was so proud of myself and I mean I burnt my fingers to an absolute crisp with the glue gun, but other than that it turned out great.

00:48:22.914 --> 00:48:25.998
So I learning makes me so, so, so happy.

00:48:25.998 --> 00:48:27.204
If you couldn't tell, I love it.

00:48:27.204 --> 00:48:27.927
It does me too.

00:48:27.927 --> 00:48:37.891
I mean I think that that fuels me and I'm constantly doing things to make me stretch and you know it's so fun.

00:48:37.891 --> 00:48:41.615
I mean I guess it's a way of not being stagnant, true.

00:48:43.307 --> 00:48:47.797
And I'm slowly trying to learn my Spanish again by the app Babble.

00:48:47.797 --> 00:48:49.411
That's fun, oh, okay.

00:48:49.411 --> 00:48:52.793
Yeah, I'm just very, very slowly Like the basics.

00:48:52.793 --> 00:48:58.692
I still have them down, like they're ingrained, so I'm looking forward to moving on to some more intermediate stuff.

00:48:58.692 --> 00:48:59.152
And why?

00:48:59.152 --> 00:49:02.648
I don't have the answer of why I just I've always wanted to be bilingual.

00:49:02.648 --> 00:49:05.090
So no time like the present, I have no reason for it.

00:49:05.090 --> 00:49:06.813
I just want to be able to say I can.

00:49:08.735 --> 00:49:11.920
You know we're learning Spanish, my son and I again.

00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:17.757
I got a D minus barely passed it when I took it in high school.

00:49:18.405 --> 00:49:19.692
I don't even believe that.

00:49:19.844 --> 00:49:26.552
I could barely speak English appropriately, let alone take on a different language, and plus I didn't care.

00:49:26.552 --> 00:49:29.028
I just didn't care, I just didn't care.

00:49:29.028 --> 00:49:36.099
So I mean I so, but I'm having fun with him because it's just a really different perspective.

00:49:36.099 --> 00:49:56.527
You know, when you're working with somebody and this is my son in particular, because there's certain times you were talking about your son with geometry and my son and we're doing math together and we're doing all of these things, and I know what subjects he's great in and what subjects he's not, because then I find myself having to work harder than him.

00:49:57.768 --> 00:49:59.652
Oh, oh yeah, oh my gosh.

00:49:59.652 --> 00:50:06.556
Yes, it took me an hour and 40 minutes to figure out three math problems.

00:50:06.556 --> 00:50:11.510
Because, well, first of all, I didn't know how to find the area of a triangle, so I had to look that up.

00:50:11.510 --> 00:50:13.947
And then I was like, well, how do you find the area of a parallelogram?

00:50:13.947 --> 00:50:15.311
And then, well, how do you find the two?

00:50:15.311 --> 00:50:17.125
And then you have to divide it, and how do you?

00:50:17.125 --> 00:50:19.168
It took me that long, yeah.

00:50:19.648 --> 00:50:25.353
I couldn't remember, and that's that's good, because you're really trying to help him learn.

00:50:25.353 --> 00:50:38.663
But I'm taking this also in life, when you are working harder than somebody else in the relationship, oh, yes, okay, it just started making me think.

00:50:38.943 --> 00:50:55.592
When you're working harder than somebody else, don't yeah, yeah, I've, I've, yeah, I've gone through that too, where you know, sometimes it makes me sad to think that I've been used by some people Like how did I not see it?

00:50:55.592 --> 00:50:58.514
You know, I really was giving it my best.

00:50:58.514 --> 00:51:01.875
I don't, I don't understand, and you know it's it is.

00:51:01.875 --> 00:51:11.940
It's just another good reminder of knowing who you are, what you will and won't stand for, and picking yourself back up and trying again next time.

00:51:11.940 --> 00:51:15.742
But yeah, you're right Now.

00:51:16.161 --> 00:51:19.402
I know relationships good relationships, healthy ones can ebb and flow.

00:51:19.402 --> 00:51:32.932
You know they can ebb and flow because maybe one person becomes just too busy, or like me, with my life right now, with my children and my husband and you know sports schedule and I work and I take care of my sick mom once or twice a week.

00:51:32.932 --> 00:51:35.697
That's pretty all-consuming right there.

00:51:35.697 --> 00:51:45.945
It doesn't leave a whole lot of exactly anything else, but I'm still trying to give it a hundred percent, even if it's with a quick call or a quick text or a quick little gift or a quick get together.

00:51:45.945 --> 00:51:55.277
You know I'm planning into January and February to see a friend of mine, my best friend from high school, who I haven't seen in five, six months.

00:51:55.277 --> 00:51:56.266
It's just hard.

00:51:56.726 --> 00:52:18.094
Yeah, it really is, but when somebody, they are really not, and maybe I'm giving them something or I'm helping them out in a certain area of their life, and it's a continual thing, and I find myself working much harder trying to help them through it and they're just not trying to get there.

00:52:18.094 --> 00:52:21.755
Yeah, it's just time to call it.

00:52:21.755 --> 00:52:38.630
I mean, it just made me think of that when I was thinking about it, actually when I was working really hard with him, and he's like, oh, look at this, look at this, he's just messing around, and I realized, hey, buddy, I'm working harder than you and I'm not going to do that.

00:52:39.211 --> 00:52:40.416
Right, right.

00:52:40.416 --> 00:52:46.490
I've told my kids before I've already completed this grade long ago, so this is on you now.

00:52:46.490 --> 00:52:51.628
I'm here to help, but you have to put in the work and it was hard for me to learn.

00:52:51.789 --> 00:52:53.534
I mean, I had to teach myself how to learn.

00:52:53.534 --> 00:53:02.483
So, because of how much learning meant to me, I made sure that I taught myself.

00:53:02.483 --> 00:53:08.838
Nobody was going to tell me you can't learn, You're not going to graduate high school it was like, yeah, well, you wait and see.

00:53:08.838 --> 00:53:10.507
So that's what I mean.

00:53:10.507 --> 00:53:13.757
I just couldn't get an undergrad, I had to get a master's degree.

00:53:14.385 --> 00:53:16.568
So there, you really showed everyone.

00:53:16.568 --> 00:53:22.278
I don't know if you know this, but I learned this today.

00:53:22.278 --> 00:53:27.036
Speaking of learning, albert Einstein didn't talk until he was about four years old.

00:53:27.036 --> 00:53:31.045
Yes, albert Einstein didn't talk until he was about four years old.

00:53:31.045 --> 00:53:37.788
Yes, but bigger than that.

00:53:37.788 --> 00:53:40.125
He was told he got a letter from school and he couldn't read it, and so he asked his mom can you read this to me?

00:53:40.125 --> 00:53:42.972
Well, she didn't read what it really said.

00:53:42.972 --> 00:53:52.407
She read to him that this letter says that the teachers are not able to teach you in school because you're too smart.

00:53:52.407 --> 00:53:54.775
They don't know how to teach you because you're so smart.

00:53:54.775 --> 00:54:00.375
She said so we'll have to find a different way to educate you.

00:54:00.375 --> 00:54:12.992
Well, it was only after his mother had passed that Albert Einstein found the letter, and what the letter really said was your son is too dumb to learn and he is not welcome in school.00:54:12.992 --> 00:54:19.750


Find another way to teach him, even Albert Einstein.00:54:20.532 --> 00:54:26.396


So, first of all, the messages that we hear is what we believe about ourselves.00:54:26.985 --> 00:54:31.168


And that's why I was just going to say I love that the mom protected him.00:54:31.168 --> 00:54:48.320


She kept that secret with her, took it to her grave and she said in oh, the most important part, I think, of that letter is she told him that it said you're going to change the world and make it a better place, and you believe he did make it a better place.00:54:48.340 --> 00:54:49.824


And you believe he did.00:54:49.824 --> 00:54:54.405


That's so beautiful.00:54:54.405 --> 00:54:55.429


Well, yeah, yeah, that is absolutely so beautiful.00:54:55.429 --> 00:54:59.844


I know when my kids were younger, before they could read, and we would order Chinese food and you get those cookies, oh fortune cookies.00:55:00.045 --> 00:55:01.027


Yeah, fortune cookie.00:55:01.027 --> 00:55:01.909


With the thing inside.00:55:01.909 --> 00:55:04.715


They would say what does mine say?00:55:04.715 --> 00:55:10.367


And I would read their name and say you're going to be the most amazing person in the world.00:55:10.367 --> 00:55:13.755


And they'd be like is that what it really says?00:55:13.755 --> 00:55:16.025


And I'd be like, yes, you know.00:55:16.025 --> 00:55:19.335


But eventually they read and I can't do that anymore.00:55:19.454 --> 00:55:21.827


But it was fun when you built into them.00:55:21.827 --> 00:55:24.353


You certainly built into them Okay.00:55:24.353 --> 00:55:30.746


So one of the things that I like to do to also better myself is to go outside my comfort zone.00:55:30.746 --> 00:55:33.088


I like to conquer my fears.00:55:33.088 --> 00:55:37.369


That's why I did my climbing adventure this summer and it was so, so, so great.00:55:37.369 --> 00:55:39.610


In fact, my hands are still peeling from it.00:55:39.610 --> 00:55:45.373


They started peeling a whole month after my rock climbing adventure and I just found that kind of funny.00:55:45.373 --> 00:55:50.514


So I love pushing yourself past your comfort zone, because that is where you truly grow.00:55:50.514 --> 00:55:51.155


What do you think?00:55:52.076 --> 00:55:55.197


pool was that she said to me I'm just taking a poll, do you think I should perform?00:55:55.197 --> 00:56:16.144


And I said yes.00:56:16.144 --> 00:56:19.853


So she did it to everybody else in the family and so I was thinking about it and I was like she really is trying to figure this out if she should do this.00:56:19.853 --> 00:56:23.045


So I asked her and we worked it through.00:56:23.045 --> 00:56:35.297


I'm so glad that I picked up on that because we actually sat down, had a conversation, that I picked up on that, because we actually sat down, had a conversation and we talked about the thing why she didn't want to, why she did want to.00:56:35.376 --> 00:56:41.885


She was afraid that she wouldn't see us, she was afraid that she would mess up, she was afraid all these eyes are on her and we just talked about all of it.00:56:41.885 --> 00:56:44.150


And at the end of the day she was like you know what?00:56:44.150 --> 00:56:45.612


I'm going to do it.00:56:45.612 --> 00:56:57.048


And I said I'm so proud of you because you're choosing to live outside of your comfort zone and even if you choose that you can't do it or you don't want to do it, I'll say it that way.00:56:57.048 --> 00:57:05.431


I'm still proud of you because you are really conquering a lot, because this is a kid that always has to live outside of her comfort zone.00:57:05.431 --> 00:57:07.376


So I was really proud of her.00:57:08.137 --> 00:57:09.440


I'm really proud of her too.00:57:09.440 --> 00:57:11.452


I love how you helped her get there.00:57:11.452 --> 00:57:14.994


I do, whether the outcome was this way or another way.00:57:14.994 --> 00:57:24.811


I love that you really talked it out and she was able to get there, and I hope that she's able to go through with it, because I really think you do grow once you conquer those fears.00:57:24.811 --> 00:57:25.949


It's okay to be afraid.00:57:25.949 --> 00:57:26.773


It means you can.00:57:29.664 --> 00:57:33.016


Yeah, what if, every day this year, we take time to find something that we can grow on?00:57:33.016 --> 00:57:39.275


Maybe read a quote, maybe read some pages in a book, pick up that project that you've been wanting to pick up for years.00:57:39.275 --> 00:57:39.896


You know?00:57:39.896 --> 00:57:42.936


Maybe just sitting by yourself, just finding that calm.00:57:42.936 --> 00:57:46.206


Maybe find that group of people that you've really wanted to connect with.00:57:46.206 --> 00:57:47.168


They're writing a journal.00:57:47.168 --> 00:57:52.217


Everyone has something that they've put off and they really want to do.00:57:53.719 --> 00:57:56.733


Oh, yes, I'm getting the ball rolling on mine.00:57:56.733 --> 00:58:05.134


I've wanted to do something with all of my quotes that I've collected, and so I'm starting to get something in the works for that, because I've been thinking about that very thing.00:58:05.666 --> 00:58:08.375


The next one I have is enjoy.00:58:08.375 --> 00:58:19.478


You know, so many things are so task-oriented and we were talking about that earlier but I think some of the things that I do, I just do.00:58:19.478 --> 00:58:28.130


My kids were just telling me that there was a countdown to something that they're really looking forward to and I was like, are you kidding me?00:58:28.130 --> 00:58:29.992


I can't believe that that's already here.00:58:29.992 --> 00:58:37.530


And so life just goes so fast and we have to remember to enjoy the long way.00:58:38.472 --> 00:58:47.992


Yes, we have to stop, we have to be present and we have to enjoy the moments and maybe even write them down so we don't forget, because I know our memories can deceive us at times.00:58:47.992 --> 00:58:51.155


And I think that's you know.00:58:51.155 --> 00:58:59.217


We're planning a trip here and I'm so looking forward to it because I just want to enjoy everything about it from start to finish.00:58:59.217 --> 00:59:02.494


It's not a completely planned out trip.00:59:02.494 --> 00:59:03.016


If you will.00:59:03.016 --> 00:59:13.177


It's going to be kind of one of the let's fly by the seat of our pants for some of this and see how it goes, because I think that it will be the most remembered trip that we'll be able to do with our kids.00:59:13.177 --> 00:59:15.750


So you need to take the time to enjoy.00:59:15.750 --> 00:59:19.637


Life truly is too short and we really need to enjoy.00:59:20.304 --> 00:59:21.891


Well amen sister friend.00:59:24.085 --> 00:59:25.987


Well, thank you all for listening.00:59:25.987 --> 00:59:33.614


I hope that we have inspired you, and we would love to hear what your resolution or goal is for the coming year.00:59:33.614 --> 00:59:39.621


So, if you would like, you can always shoot us an email or you could reply on our Facebook page.00:59:39.621 --> 00:59:40.882


We would love to hear it.00:59:41.405 --> 00:59:45.512


Thank you for showing up again for us and we will continue to show up for you.00:59:45.512 --> 00:59:47.856


We love doing this journey with you.00:59:47.856 --> 00:59:50.500


Thank you so much and we will see you next time.